So, Sam Raimi finally got around to making that horror movie he and his brother Ivan started writing shortly after Army of Darkness. It's not doing as well at the box office as it should be, despite being the only horror flick available to the summer blockbuster audiences. Well, fuck everybody else, cuz Anubis saw it. As such, this weekend we give you a little reading material as he reviews Drag Me to Hell!

Looky looky kids! Ragnarok is back! The reptilian embodiment of the Apocalypse has shoe-horned some review time into his inhumane work schedule to shine a little sunlight on our readers with the classic "Toho commits genocide on an entire civilization with a flying submarine" flick Atragon! Congratulations everybody, you now have something to give your weekend meaning.

Howdy howdy ladies and germs. Wasn't I saying something about a 10th anniversary last week? Well, surprise surprise the event has come and gone to NO fanfare. Why? Shit happens. Anubis is currently working on an article to commemorate the occasion, but as far as special events go, we're not gonna bother. Keeping promises, especially with updates and the like, isn't getting any easier as of late and we'd rather not let down our readers with false hope. Instead, let's just pretend it never happened and get down to business: the business of reviewing! For fans of Frank Henenlotter, you've no doubt been awaiting his first movie in almost TWO DECADES to finally get a DVD release. Well, you lucky limies in the UK already got your DVDs, so you've been missing out! As for the rest of us, well, you can read Anubis's Bad Biology review to tide you over.

Hey boils and ghouls. This isn't actually that long overdue site update that everyone's no doubt been waiting for. Just wanted to pass on the news of David Carradine's death to those who haven't already heard. Sad that this news comes on the eve of the site's 10th anniversary. We're sorry to see the old guy go, as he's provided pretty much anybody ever associated with the site (contributors and readers) with plenty of entertainment value over his storied career. From those who remember him best for his role as the titular to-be-killed bad guy of the Kill Bill flicks to those who followed his exploits as Caine in the '70s series "Kung-Fu" to those who embraced the man's "lesser" efforts of infamy in our beloved b-movie circuit, the gentleman was an entertainer who put his own brand of fun and charm into even the crappiest role. It's ironic that our last review, Crank: High Voltage, will now likely be the man's last theatrical release. Albeit not a top billing role, Mr. Carradine's brief stint as Chinese gangster Poon Dong was a welcome addition to one fucking crazy flick.

We salute you and your career Mr. Carradine. Although the Tomb didn't live up to its annual Memorial Day dedication this year, I think a belated tribute is due and should come about in the next few months. Wherever your spirit winds up Sir, we hope you're snatching pebbles from peoples' hands, running down douche bags in your Frankenstein custom, and dealing out the five finger exploding heart technique to all the suckers.

EDIT: further details about the story make it sound like DC might've died during some wacky bondage exploits gone wrong. If that's the case, then he is truly an inspiration to us all! If it turns out he just comitted suicide in his hotel room closet, that's a shame. Given that this was a hotel in Thailand though, I'm betting my Tobin's Spirit Guide that it was the wacky bondage thing.

Sorry kids, but daddy doesn't love you anymore. If you're wondering if this is your fault and if it's your fault that mommy left us both when you were a child, yeah, it's all you. On the plus side though, I finally put the finishing touches on a Shortie review I've been pecking at on and off for the last few weeks. Take a spin with Jason Statham, David Carradine, Dwight Yoakam and more in Crank: High Voltage.

Also, for any curious parties, our "Welcome to Dreadville" prize packs went to readers Nicole and Suzanne. The ladies tied for the most right answers (4 of 5) on our Riddles of the Sphinx quiz and thus both earned their very own Dreadville shirts, DVDs, and "Special Thanks" credits on the next Dreadville short film! Congrats ladies. We'll be expecting post-victory bribes in the form of money or carnal favors by the end of the fiscal quarter.

Did you miss out on your chance to win some Dreadville merch? Boo-hoo. The winners have been selected by our vast and terrible super computer (only after it gained sentience for a brief time and attempted to kill us...) and once they've confirmed their mailing addresses, these prize packs are out the door! See what happens when you don't apply yourself? Yeah, no t-shirt or DVD for you. Enjoy your Friday night, alone, shirtless, and lacking anything entertaining to watch!

Anubis comes in with a review for a movie that fits the Tomb tighter than a soaking wet Snuggie. Feast your eyes on the bikini-clad zombie killing kung-fu funtime that comes in the shape of Oneechanbara! Does this review signal a return to our regularly scheduled programming, or is it just a cheap tease like that stupid fake money that Christians like to give to people with that ass-tarded "Disappointed? You won't be if you let Jesus into your pants!" crap printed on them? Stay tuned.

I wish I could tell you that we've been working on some massive website overhaul for the last 4 weeks, but sadly that's not the case. What's the hold up? Sorry kids. The world is turning to shit all around us and sadly your friends here are the Tomb are far from immune to it. Anyway, providing a little bad movie love in this time of gonads and strife are the deviant minds of Bublenutz Productions! The mad minds behind the "Welcome to Dreadville" micro-budget movie shorts series have been cool enough to put up some swag for a round of our long defunct trivia contest: Riddles of the Sphinx! Looking to show off your bad movie brain power and maybe get yourself some groovy prizes in the process? Just click the banner below and get cracking, me hearties! Make it quick too folks, cuz the contest ends May 6th!

Not a hoax! Not a dream! Not some bullshit alternate universe crap! Not even a bad April Fools Day joke! Anubis takes advantage of someone else's illegal activities and reviews the workprint copy of X-Men Origins: Wolverine! Hurry up and read it before 20th Century Fox tries to dickslap us with a lawsuit!

Before we send March out on its ass for yet another year, Ragnarok has a going away present: his review for the easy peasy slick and sleazy remake of Wes Craven's first flick The Last House on the Left.

Hey kids, daddy's home! Yep, I'm back. Not exactly sure in what kind of capacity for the time being as I'm still on the hunt for somebody to pay me to do something (I'm just too old and out-of-shape to go back to gigolo work...), but I couldn't let the week go by without some kind of update. So, I present to you my first feature review in over two months, the independent micro-budget slasher flick Us Sinners. Keep it sleazy ladles and Germans! -Anubis

Ragnarok teaches everybody a lesson in samurai movie class and coolness with the first installment of the epic samurai film trilogy, Samurai I: Musashi Miyamoto. Don't let the fact that it won an Academy Award fool you. There's violence to be had!

Sorry for the lack of updates as of late kids, Anubis has been in a life-or-death struggle with the 8 heads and 10,000 tentacles of the unholy creation known as unemployment. Though the death god struggles valiantly, right now the beastie has the upper hand after a cheap low blow behind the referee's back in the 12th round. Anyway, while he's doing that, NutJob plays ring girl and entertains the crowd between rounds with her "mom's eye view" review of the latest four-color experiment out of Tinsel Town, Watchmen.

Just in case you didn't read any of the other 30,000 reviews for it over the weekend, Anubis thought he'd make his opinions known on Watchmen. Officially the longest "Shortie" review we've ever done!

Ragnarok stops by with baaaaad horror flick adaptation of a book written by someone whose last name isn't "King" or "Koontz" as our resident incarnation of armageddon pours salt all over Slugs.

Despite his intentions to have all of the old stuff recoded before the end of February, Anubis still has a few reviews here and there to tweak. He's finished with all of the Archive reviews and he's almost done bringing the Shorties section 100% up-to-speed. In the meantime, here's a Shortie he wrote for the no-longer-even-close-to-still-being-relevant box office pop-a-squatter Push.

Check us out tomorrow night too, as Ragnarok brings you fine folkers out there in interwebs land another fine feature review of another really really bad movie. Here's a hint kids: bring your salt shakers with you!

Ragnarok returns from another weekend of guilty bad movie delights in the depths of Chicago, so check out our man's play-by-play for B-Fest 2009! Meanwhile, our old friend NutJob sends us word from the land of the rising sun! And with it, she brought along with her a review for the "shimmery" bloodsucker teeny-bopper plopper Twilight.

Anubis takes a break from his continued maintenance work (and getting his ass handed to him on XBox Live Duke Nukem deathmatches...) to bang out a Shortie review for the new-to-DVD remake of the Spanish "new classic" horror flick [REC]. Take a few minutes out of your busy day of hording Hormell products and filing for unemployment to read his thoughts on Quarantine.

Just when you think the dry spell of new material will surely kill us all, in swoops Nix with a Shortie review for the recently released Michael Bay produced remake/revisioning/reboot of Friday the 13th! Well, it was executive produced, at least there's that...

Anubis takes a short break out of re-coding his own Archive reviews to put together a Shortie review for the animated comic book short-film Hulk Vs. Wolverine. He then went right back to work, slaving in the dank recesses of the re-coding mines, hacking away at the overgrowth with his trusty html pick-axe.

Just a quick update on how Anubis's house cleaning work is going: all Archive reviews from Ragnarok, Nix, and Fistula have been updated. They should all be accessible from the review index(es), so if you notice any Archive reviews from anybody other than Anubis whose links are dead or misdirected, let the big guy know at admin@tombofanubis.com so we can fix it.

Nix returns from the bowels of elsewhere to bring the kids a Shortie review for the independent "What if?" home-brewed terrorism flick Right At Your Door. What would you do if dirty bombs detonated in your town? Me? I'd rather not have to find out...

Ragnarok rallies a feature review for a UK born werewolf flick that's a cult classic-to-be if his opinions have anything to say about it. Check out the lycanthropic carnage and cavorting of Wild Country. The perfect creature feature for anybody unhappy with the abuse of computer generated special effects in today's horror movies!

Anubis brings in a Shortie for the recently released 3-D slasher remake My Bloody Valentine 3-D. Three dimensions really make all the difference... As for Ragnarok's review, there will be new material from both himself and Nix this week, and since Anubis is lightening his load, we're gonna stretch everbody's stuff out.

And now, a message from the guy in charge...

"Hey kids, your unfriendly neighborhood death god here. I just wanted to let everybody know that, with the '52 Weeks' thing in the books now, I'm taking a break. Not from the site entirely, as I'll still be popping up with the occasional Shortie review as well as working on fixing up the incomplete and broken stuff around the site, but until March 1st I won't be touching any feature reviews. The site's 10th Anniversary is just a few months away and I figure that's reason enough to clean the place up, reanimate the dead links, and finish dragging the archived past reviews up from the basement and back on the shelves. I'm also among the 6 million or so people who lost their jobs in the last month or so, so I need some extra time during the day to try and dig up some work... and no, this isn't just an excuse to play XBox Live games all day... though Vigilante 8 continues to talk to me long after the green 'X' on my console has dimmed... Anyway, anything anybody else involved with the Tomb plans on writing will still be posted as intended, I just need a little time off to avoid total burnout of the brain pan. Keep your noses clean till I get back boys and girls... cuz nobody wants to suck face with somebody whose mouth looks like a playground for snails! -Anubis"

Come back tomorrow for a feature review from Ragnarok and a Shortie from Anubis.

Anubis finally finishes off his year long "52 Weeks" project with his review for the irritatingly sub-average 2008 slasher flick about a killer who lives inside of a crappy horror movie... inside of a crappy horror movie... Wow. Existential. Anyway, here's Midnight Movie. We don't want it, so you take it.

Anubis brings himself to within one review of finishing his "52 Weeks" project as tonight he reviews Live Freaky! Die Freaky!: the world's only hardcore claymation exploitation musical about Charles Manson!

Anubis does a little time traveling as he inches closer to finally ending his "52 Weeks" project, tonight bringing us the disappointing yet amusingly titled Hong Kong horror flick Horror Hotline...Big Head Monster.

That whole "no rest for the wicked" thing is gaining legitimacy more and more around here. Three days into the new year and already we've got something for you! Anubis brings us the first review of the new year as he partakes in badmovies.org's "B-Movie Time Warp" roundtable. As such, we bring you H.G. Wells and Jack the Ripper playing tag in 1970s San Francisco in his review for Time After Time. Happy New Year folks! We look forward to making you laugh, groan, and probably lose your lunch more than once between now and 2010!

Anubis ends 2008 on a down note, as he takes one final stab at his "52 Weeks" project before 2009 rolls in. It's another one from Casper Van Dien, only this time he's fighting Dracula way out in outer space in the "could've been better assembled by a six year-old with advanced palsy" sci-fi horror flick Dracula 3000. Not even Udo Kier can save this one, kiddies.

Ragnarok finishes out his year with a review for a real dog of a flick... hold your tomatoes, because that was his joke and not mine! Anyway, pouting role-players fight for their lives against Paul Naschy and his bloodthirsty cyborg dog in Rottweiler.

Anubis finishes out the week with a "52 Weeks" feature review for a 2007 Charles Band creation fished straight from the man's mental toilet. See the God of Death flush Sig Haig and Michael Berryman down the pipes in a horrendous haunted casino tale called Dead Man's Hand: Casino of the Damned.

Anubis spreads a little last minute holiday cheer with the religiously themed bad movie adventure The Fallen Ones. Casper Van Dien teams up with Tom Bosley and Robert Wagner to fight a giant half-angel mummy super mutant to prevent the end of the world. Speaking of spreading, the Tomb's favorite groupie Nicole Nevermind stopped by for some nude caroling and brought along this original piece to share with our friends. Merry Cthulhumas everyone!

And now, a message from Anubis:

Hey kids. Sorry about the lack of updates as of late. Life's been a clusterfuck the last week or so what with the holidays, a death in the family, and every flavor of "what the fuck?!" in between, my shit's a little upside down lately. I've got new material to post, such as tonight's appropriately religiously nightmarish review for Dark Heaven. But, the screen caps are going to have go without captions or my signature MST3K borrowed silhouettes. I'll be going back and fixing those once I've returned to my lair. Also, the order of the last few entries in this "52 Weeks" project are going to be fucked up too for various reasons. Bear with me, I'll have it all fixed by New Year's. I now return you to your irregularly scheduled update.

After falling behind thanks to not one, but TWO set backs, Anubis is finally forced to skip ahead two entries into his "52 Weeks" project to 2003 so he can tackle Bulletproof Monk. He said that with any luck he'll have everything caught up before Cthulhumas, because if he doesn't then the Elder God will turn him inside out and consume the cosmic energy that makes up his internal workings. Let's hope he pulls it off...

Ragnarok heads back to school for a course in no-budget living dead science in the horror parody Reanimator Academy. It has a certain "do it yourself" charm, but that doesn't mean it won't kick your cinemasochist tolerance right in the coin purse.

Ragnarok battles intentionally bad spelling and a Lovecraftian military super bacteria that threatens to devour the Earth in Organizm. Featuring a woman who really really likes it when her movie appointed romantic interest smears his bodily fluids all over her...

Anubis takes a day off to celebrate his 9 year non-wedding anniversary with his Evil Dead Bride, but comes back today with his review for 2000's indy comic book adaptation G-Men From Hell. Because nothing says 'Happy Holidays' like undead FBI agents from the bowels of the bad place. With this, it's just 8 more reviews to go before the Death God can say goodbye to his "52 Weeks" project! Can he end the year long train wreck before January 31st and achieve a deadline for once? Check back in 26 days and we'll find out...

Nix and NutJob collaborate to review the latest short subject from the folk at Bug Juice. This time, a deranged chiropractor seeks a cure for bad backs using less than legal means in Clinical Research.

Despite his vehement dislike for the last one, Anubis goes ahead and gets a Shortie together for Transporter 3. Jason Statham drives a car fast and hits hired goons with whatever is handy. If you've seen the first two, yeah, it's a lot like that...

Hey everybody! It's time once again to celebrate America's favorite passtime: gluttony! So pile on the mashed potatoes, stuff your face with turkey and stuffing, then loosen your belt and make room for the pumpkin pie! In celebration of today's mass consumption, the Tomb of Anubis invited our friends from Badmovies.org and DarkSider's Realm to sit and sup with us at the bad movie buffet for a selection of cinemasochist delicacies in what we like to call "You Are Who You Eat - 2008: the Other White Meat"!

For our part in the ravaging, Anubis searches out some Southern hospitality in Curse of the Cannibal Confederates; Nix Eclipse let's Luther the Geek out of his cage to lay some eggs; and Ragnarok enjoys the lighter side of a "the truth is more horrifying than the fiction" cannibalism tale in The Mad Butcher!

Anubis gets a surprise in his box (not a word!) as the writer-producer-Aztec Mummy of Mil Mascaras: Resurrection sends the Death God a review copy of the movie to, well, review. And so he did. And it was good. And there was pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce and cornbread stuffing for all. And the ghost of George Carlin was there to entertain everyone. Rejoice.

Anubis slips back to 1997 to finish the review he attempted doing last week for his "52 Weeks" project. As such, here's his review for the French comic book action heist flick Dobermann.

Anubis finishes out the '90s portion of his "52 Weeks" project with Troma's attempt at applying their unique gross-out formula to the slasher genre (more specifically the "movie within a movie" slasher sub-genre) in Terror Firmer.

Ragnarok bores himself to tears with a slow-paced, out-of-focus, "sounds a lot cooler than it turns out to be", '60s John Agar monster flick known as Night Fright... not to be confused with that '80s vampire movie starring Roddy MacDowall and the chick who played the neighbor on "Married... with Children".

The folks at Bug-Juice Productions have put together a new short subject for the interested masses to imbibe in. As such, tonight Nix brings us his short review for the short movie Burnout.

Unfortunately, Anubis hit a last minute snag with the next piece of his "52 Weeks" project. It's one of those snags that could take a week or two to fix, so instead of stalling everything more so than it already has been, he skipped ahead to his next review, which is for the 1998 mall-zombie kung-fu bromance comedy flick Bio-Zombie. It's also the first review to include our re-designed review feedback system, so check it out!

Ragnarok welcomes the end of the world into his home as the remnants of mankind head into outer space in search of another planet to take over with stock footage and soundtracks from other movies, then flush down the crapper. So it is written, so shall it be Doomsday Machine.

Anubis and his "52 Weeks" project find their way back to Hong Kong yet again to pull out his second re-review of the week, Satan Returns. Think of it as HK's answer to The Omen, Evil Dead II, and Dragnet!

Nix exorcises Troma's latest and greatest in his Shortie review for the clucking good poultry-pounder Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead!

Anubis takes a moment out of a day of election coverage and vote casting to review Night of the Scarecrow! Not to be confused with Dark Night of the Scarecrow, because this one lacks Larry Drake and has 100% more evil agricultural warlock violence!

We sent October out with a bang and welcome November in with the proverbial guns a blazin' as Anubis jumps faster than a banker off a bridge into Bruce Campbell's latest directorial-starring effort in a premiere review for My Name Is Bruce! See the star stumble around in a drunken stupor! See him act opposite people in bad alien mosquito costumes! See his epic battle (and subsequent retreat) against a Chinese god who acts like he found a rat tail in his pad thai! Are you ready to laugh?! You damn well better be, cuz we ain't doin' this for our health...

Holy Hell it's Halloween! To celebrate, DarkSider has put together a roundtable of movies starring creepy crawlers to spook the senses! So, before we go out trick-or-treating, check out our contributions! Anubis gives zombie Sigmund Freud something to pine over with Calamity of Snakes, Ragnarok reviews a Fly sequel that has no flies in Curse of the Fly, and Nix shakes the eight-legged menaces off his sleeve with Kingdom of the Spiders!

Anubis takes a trip into the dark (and dirty) side of bad film school projects in a world where the dead are no longer so much and one woman is on a personal quest... to have sex with a gun. Such is Shatter Dead. And such is pain.

Nix returns from in time for the Halloween season to inflict a very painful and unnecessary trick on himself for your treat. Shake hands with the independent post-apocalyptic done-on-a-high-school-drama-club-budget waste of time known as The Mutilation Man. Thank Sub-Rosa for cursing us with another shot-on-video stinker kids.

Anubis plays tardy this week before finally getting to that review for Vampiro: Warrior of the Night he said he'd do. Though life often will not wait, sometimes our readers have to. In this case, a case that involves aliens and a dirt bike gang and someone's grandpa zapping luchadores and a dumpster budget Ewok, the wait probably should've been a little longer...

Ragnarok orders out for some Italian tonight as he reviews the latest from Dario Argento with the finale to the director's much lauded "Three Mothers" trilogy: Mother of Tears.

Only a few weeks behind in his "52 Weeks" project, Anubis comes one step closer to being up-to-date with the pain and confusion of Godfrey Ho's nauseating ghost story cum devil fighting kickboxer movie Kickboxer From Hell. Finally, a movie that lives up to the lameness of its title.

Because we haven't had any TV reviews in a while, tonight Anubis brings to task the premiere episode of "Ultraman: the Ultimate Hero", titled On a Missions from M78. If you've seen one Ultraman premiere episode, you've pretty much seen 'em all... though this one was created entirely in the US, so there's that. Right? Oh yeah, and we also learn the dark secret of Baltan footwear!

A little later than he originally intended (give the guy a break, he did quadruple overtime for the site last week), Anubis sits down for a main course of monster gross-out with Feast II: Sloppy Seconds. If you thought the first movie was gross and immature, you'll probably be turning this one off after the first 25 minutes or so...

The final leg of his mini-world tour (i.e. Japan and Europe) takes Anubis into Germany, where he's celebrating Yom Kippur with The German Chainsaw Massacre. That could've been scheduled a little better...

The latest leg of the Death God's journey takes our founder into Spain for his review of [REC]. If you plan on seeing the remake Quarantine this weekend, you might want to check out this review first... or you might want to stay away... I'm not really sure. The voices between my ears are doing the town hall thing.

Trying to catch up a little on his "52 Weeks" project, Anubis takes the second stop on his mini-World Tour into the UK as he ponders the ramifications of what would happen if someone one day had to declare, "I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle"... not that that's probably a common thing you'd hear people declare... I hope.

Anubis begins an impromptu mini-world tour this week with a review for the new Japanese action splatter goregy Tokyo Gore Police! Before the end of the week, the God of Death intends to make further stops in the UK, Germany, and Spain before returning Friday (or Saturday) with a review for Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds. Can he do it? What do I look like, Criswell?

Ragnarok readies himself for the coming Halloween season with a taste of his bad movie youth, reviewing the Universal classic that gave birth to the "monster vs. monster" genre: Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.

Falling ever further behind in his "52 Weeks" project, Anubis finishes a three day effort to finish his review for Alejandro Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre as the prolific weirdo director finally gets some representation in our halls. The film follows circus performer-turned-lunatic Fenix as he becomes his mother's surrogate arms following their unfortunate loss during a domestic dispute. Plenty of craziness for all!

While away on "business", Anubis found time to throw together a review for the '60s Roger Corman "done on a dime" end-of-the-world survival movie The Last Woman On Earth. It features possibly THE greatest fight scene ever filmed where two men beat each other with fish...

Yeah, I know, two weeks since the last update. Trust me, not intentional. Dragged from my bed and dumped in the middle of nowhere for a family function, left without internet or DVDs. Oh the pain, the pain of it all. Anyway, we're back now, (mostly) intact. And the first to fall beneath our imaginary boot heel? Ragnarok does the honors with the UK's dimension hopping '80s sci-fi "sounds cooler than it is" flick Prisoners of the Lost Universe.

Just a few short weeks after our last one (damn time flies...), we've got another roundtable! Focusing this time on the return to school and the cinematic excursions that go with it, Anubis particpates in "Post-Grammatic Stress Disorder" with a review for the no-budget supernatural college sex comedy-of-sorts Fraternity Demon.

With two scoops of cinematic goodness for you today, Ragnarok starts things off with a pleasant enough little '50s bloodsucking science monster yarn called The Vampire, while Anubis does a "52 Weeks" catch-up review for Hong Kong comedy movie action greatness good-time in Tiger On the Beat.

Anubis catches a little underground performance art when Jeremy Kasten brings together Crispin Glover, Brad Renfro, and Jeffrey Combs to re-imagine the H.G. Lewis gore classic as a trippy psychological fuck around in the anticipated (at least around here) The Wizard of Gore.

Ragnarok hops a flight to France to rave in the grave of thousands of random dead French people with Shannyn Sossamon and Pink in a Shortie review for the slasher party flick Catacombs.

Anubis comes in on his day off as his "52 Weeks" project heads into 1987 with the Hong Kong demon fighting kung-fu fun of Evil Cat.

Anubis brings in an early review for the as-yet-wide-released post-apocalyptic "evil corporations rule the future" sci-fi action flick The Mutant Chronicles.

Ragnarok has finally lost his mind completely when he discovers a Uwe Boll movie that he neither dislikes nor enjoys simply for being badly made. That's right, Ragnarok genuinely has a good time watching Postal.

Better late than never, Anubis rings in from his bedside to bring everybody a long belated "52 Weeks" review that kinda fits the spirit of the Labor Day weekend. In the post-Nuke future, when women have enslaved men, it's up to a pair of guys with a top hat and a childrens' school book to change the world and save their brothers from an eternity of hard labor in America 3000.

Nix stops by with a few words for the greatest movie to come out of South Korea... like... ever. Hell, it's one of the best movies to come out of anywhere in the last decade! Check out the octopus eating, ass-whooping, 15 year abducting, mystery solving greatness of Oldboy.

After a week-and-a-half off, Anubis returns to work with his contribution for the "What I Did On My Summer Vacation..." roundtable with a summer camp arts & crafts review for the musical slasher comedy Camp Blood: the Musical.

Almost a week later than intended, Anubis finally gets to finish his review for the Japanese comedy "mockumentary", Big Man Japan. It's about a guy who gets really big and fights weird rejects from an Ultraman porn... Movies like this are the reason the letters 'w', 't', and 'f' were first strung together.

First Nix returned yesterday and now Ragnarok appears from the ether with a review of his own! Aching to get back into battling the forces of good taste, he reviews the Japanese saga of nuns who give up their virginity to become magical ninjas in Kunoichi: Lady Ninja.

Nix returns again to torture himself with further crap from the Hollywood bowl (*nyuck*nyuck*) as he straps himself in to suffer the stupidity of Judge Dredd.

Anubis also finally got around to posting the second issue of the "2000 Maniacs" comic book adaptation over in the Tomb library, so help yourself to our "free to download" copy kiddies!

So, Anubis was able to recover from the whole thing with yesterday's movie. He's still working on the technical adjustments, but his mind has recovered. Just in time too, because today's "52 Weeks" project review coincides with today's opening ceremonies for the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. Would-be Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas brings his great physical acumen to the bad movie history books in the infamous 1985 action flick Gymkata!

Technically speaking, Anubis didn't actually finish today's review by 100%. There was a little foul up with one of his computer programs. He also didn't get the captions for the screen caps finished before press time, so he'll have to ass that stuff in tomorrow. However, he did get the rest of the review done, so for now enjoy the scathing remarks he had for The Sea Serpent!

Anubis celebrates the atomic bombing of Hiroshima as the event hits its 63rd anniversary today. He's not celebrating the mass genocide of thousands of Japanese civilians though, but rather the dawn of the atomic monster era. As such, what more fitting review to do that the original atomic supermonster's debut in the 1954 classic Godzilla!

Anubis continues his "52 Weeks" project today, reviewing one of the craziest, nonsensical, grotesque movies he's subjected his sanity to in a long time: The Boxer's Omen! A Hong Kong gangster has to avenge his current life and former life brothers from a bad sportsman Thai kickboxer and an evil bad magic sorcerer... with all kinds of crazy shit in between.

Anubis attempts to get back in the "52 Weeks" project saddle again, tackling the Blaxploitation flick of epic proportions known as One Down, Two to Go. See stars of the sub-genre Jim Brown, Fred Williamson, Jim Kelly, and Richard Roundtree as they unleash vengeance, karate, and GUN-FU on evil rednecks! What a way to end July.

Anubis returns from a short vacation to honor a promise he made last year to remember deceased Italian bad movie director Bruno Mattei on his birthday. As such, he reviews one of Mattei's few quality movies: the eye-gouging giallo gore flick Eyes Without a Face... not to be confused with the movie (or Billy Idol song) of the same name.

Just when you think everybody's called in sick for the summer, our old pal NutJob swoops down from the heavens with a tasty new main course for our readers as she reviews the internet sensation Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog!

Also, even though the boss has been on a self-imposed hiatus of his own for the last week and a half, Anubis has promised that his return will be sooner than later as he attempts to play catch-up yet again with his "52 Weeks" project, while also trying to mix a few new releases in too. It's a recipe for poor time management!

Anubis was gonna pull out another "52 Weeks" review today, but thought that with The Dark Knight coming out today he'd pull out a Heath Ledger related review. Though he could've gone with The Order, the Death God instead went with the Terry Gilliam directed The Brothers Grimm. It could've been worse... but it should've been better.

The summer slowdown is in full effect folks. Despite this, Anubis insists on coming in with new material, so today he brings to your eager peepers a double shot. In preparation for this weekend's release of The Dark Knight, check out his review for the recently released companion piece, Batman: Gotham Knight. Playing the catch up (or "ketchup") game again on his "52 Weeks" project, the Death God also brings out a review for the exaggerated 1981 "creative liberties" bio-pic The Rise and Fall of Idi Amin.

The DarkSider over at the appropriately titled DarkSider's Realm cobbled together a holiday themed roundtable that brings everybody a little "Christmas In July". Representing the Tomb, Anubis suffered unmitigated pain from the abominable, generic, and badly lit killer Santa movie Satan Claus! Read on and find out why "Sub Rosa" translates into "searing gas pain for all".

Anubis gets back on his "52 Weeks" track as he partakes in undead disco shenanigans and softcore nudity with Dracula Blows His Cool, because nothing says American independence like a German horror-sex-comedy!

Jordan over at The B-Movie Film Vault put together a kick-ass roundtable recently called "B-Movies That Rock!". As our part in the endeavor, Anubis re-animated an old favorite of his in the sado-masochistic undead rock 'n' roll Nazi midget werewolf slasher test of wills known as Hard Rock Zombies! Strap on your Crazy Goggles, take a few of your Ritalin, and try to keep up!

Nix comes back two weeks in a row with his latest review for the Austrian psychological screw-fest disguised as a simple home invasion movie: Funny Games... not to be confused with the American remake that was done last year by the same writer/director as the original...

Anubis pays $3 to rent a bowel obstruction as he puts together a Shortie (but painfully) for Tripping the Rift: the Movie. Unlike Scarlett Johansson's side-boob, it's not a pretty sight...

Anubis crosses the big pond for some Japanese flavor this week, hunting demons with the warrior Hayakki-maru (WHOSE ARMS ARE SWORDS!!) in the fantasy epic Dororo! The special effects aren't the best, but the movie does manage one great feat: a plucky young sidekick who doesn't make you want to roundhouse kick a Girl Scout!

After a week of delays and technical misfires, Anubis brings about a pair of reviews he's been working at since Monday. First up, as the next installment of his "52 Weeks" project, the Death God faces off with supposed rock gods in the bad movie abortion known as KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park! He also does a Shortie for the second episode of the new "Fear Itself" TV series, as Eric Roberts tangles with the ghosts of his past in "Spooked".

Nix is back in the saddle again kids, and this time he brought with him a few thoughts on the new-to-DVD indie horror three-way perspective flick that gives us a glimpse at what happens when a mysterious transmission broadcast over television, radio, and cellular phones drives everyone who receives it into a murderous rampage courtesy of The Signal! Welcome back Nix!

Anubis took off for Friday the 13th (something about mass murdering sexy teens at an abandoned summer camp somewhere), but finishes catching up on the Summer 2008 blockbusters with the animated martial arts Anthropomorph family flick Kung-Fu Panda and what's he's hoping will be the second massive financial success for Marvel Comics this season: the smash-tacular kinda-reboot not-really-a-prequel The Incredible Hulk.

For our regular fans who expect reviews for b-movies and other 'R' rated cinema from us, Anubis is heading back to the usual groove next week. He's still sticking with the "52 Project", but he said he'll also be working in some more "new release" b-flicks so the readers who depend on The Tomb to tell them what to rent on the weekends will get the support they need too.

Anubis comes back for Round 2 of his 2008 Summer Blockbuster Jamboree, this time taking in the summer's first pair of sequels: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The Death God wanted to get these two finished up so he'd be ready for what he's hoping to be the highlight of his viewing season, tomorrow's release of The Incredible Hulk. Look for that review and more from Anubis either tomorrow night or Saturday.

The rumors of our deaths have been greatly exaggerated. To prove it, Anubis's brain has been heavily breeding the last 7 days to bring together a series of reviews for the 2008 blockbuster season's "so far so good" hits! The first two are up now, so go check out his compressed thoughts on Iron Man and Speed Racer! That's not all Summer means though, as the amidst the sticky heat and less clothed women, Summer is also the launch pad for all the crappy TV shows that weren't worthy of the Fall or even the Winter seasons! As such, Anubis also put together a review for "The Sacrifice", the pilot episode of Mick Garis's new (and unfortunately titled) attempt at a network TV version of "Masters of Horror" called "Fear Itself".

Today Anubis brings his "52 Project" for the week with the 1977 spaghetti western hatchet throwing funfest known as A Man Called Blade! Ragnarok also rings in with his Shortie review for the Stacy Keach TV movie letdown known as All the Kind Strangers!

Also, our first two winners of the Tomb of Anubis door prize DVD giveaway drawing have acknowledged their win and supplied us with their shipping info, so we'll be announcing the next drawing within the coming days! While you wait though, if you haven't already done so, then get an early start on getting your entry in for the next drawing by checking out this link and taking two minutes of your time to get your shot at some FREE DVDs!

Our first update of June. Already the damn year is half-way over. Times keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'... into the future. Do do do do. Anyway, we had our first winners for the Tomb of Anubis DVD Door Prize Giveaway! They've both been contacted and once we've heard from them we will announce their names and post this month's contest. The Tomb of Anubis: Bribing Our Readers! Anyway, down to brass tacks (or is it "brass tax"?), Ragnarok starts off the month with his review for what many would call Roger Corman's greatest achievement to date (which may or may not be saying much depending on who you ask) - X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes!

Also, though not contributing a review today, Anubis dropped off his late/latest fully downloadable bad movie comic book: issue #1 for the 3-issue limited series based on the H.G. Lewis splatter classic 2000 Maniacs!

After jumping ahead a few years in his "52 Project" to review Pumaman, Anubis hijacks the Wayback to do the 1976 religious murder cult freakshow mystery God Told Me To. After next week he'll finally be caught up, then he can get to work on trying to watch all of this year's summer blockbusters... yeah, that'll happen.

Oh yeah, and there're only two days left to get off your ass and fill out an application at this link to get yourself entered into a drawing for a free copy of Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie or Terror of MechaGodzilla on DVD! A free DVD for two minutes of light typing? Don't be a bitch, just fill it out...

First we have a review from Ragnarok, who remembers the Pleasence with the well done British '70s proto-C.H.U.D. flick, Raw Meat. Next, Fistula remembers Dr. Loomis with an often overlooked piece of genius the man did for Rod Serling's legendary Twilight Zone series in the episode, The Changing of the Guard. Finally, Anubis gives his surprising eulogy to the man who would be Kobras in an Italian classic for "Mystery Science Theater 3000" fans: The Pumaman.

Hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day everybody!... Now get to bed because your asses are back to work/school tomorrow!

In a little Saturday update for everybody, Anubis brings out another "52 Project" review this week. This time it's Paul Naschy fighting evil Tibetan bandits and the big black uncle of Cha-Ka from "Land of the Lost" in the Spanish production of The Werewolf and the Yeti!

Make sure you come back on Monday too when the Tomb presents its 2008 Memorial Day Bad Movie Memorial Service! Who will it be? Just wait and see...

Anubis continues the "52 Project" with a '70s "rape & revenge" flick that doesn't seem to know if it's trying to be a serious movie about strong women fighting back against domestic violence and chauvinism or a cheap exploitation flick. Either way, the title sure stands out. Here's Rape Squad!

Anubis also revisits 1995 with a Shortie for the pilot episode of the oft forgotten and short-lived "Earthworm Jim" animated series, Sidekicked. "Guh-roovy!"

Memorial Day is still a week away, in which we'll be memorializing another b-movie legend (as we did last year with Bruno Mattei), but Ragnarok gets a jump on the proceedings with his review for what's likely to be the only Memorial Day themed movie in b-movie history: Memorial Valley Massacre!

There's less than two weeks left to sign up for the chance to pick up some free DVDs too, so get your butt over to this link and just fill out the form for your chance to be one DVD cooler!

Anubis praises the spiritual successor to H.G. Lewis... no pun intended even though the guy who made the movie's been dead for 30 years... Anyway, go dip your bread in the meaty spaghetti sauce that is Doctor Gore!

Oh yeah, and as a reminder; if you want A FREE DVD, just check out Monday's update two updates down below...

Anubis stops in for his latest "52" project installment as he fights the monstrous creations of a would-be immortal bitch alongside Mexico's greatest historical figure when it's Santo Vs. Frankenstein's Daughter!

Oh yeah, and as a reminder; if you want A FREE DVD, just check out Monday's update right down below...

Hey there my little sweet potatoes fries! No review updates for you tonight because we wanted to use this space to notify everybody of the opportunity for FREE DVDs! Yeah, I know, Anubis has tried giving away free DVDs to readers before and those backfired in his face thanks to some a-hole promotional distributors that we've since cut all ties with. Well, now we're doing things right and not offering anything until we've got it in our hands! Anyway, to help promote our upcoming "Profiles" section (to help our readers get to know each other), we want to give away FREE DVDs to two lucky Tomb readers! What are we giving away? We've got brand new copies of the recently released Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie and Terror of MechaGodzilla DVDs! Two winners will be randomly chosen, the first of which will be given a choice of which DVD they'd like, with the other DVD going to the runner-up. Wanna win some of this snappy free shit? It's easy, just get your ass over to the application site to sign up for our new "Profiles" section and you're automatically entered. It's that simple. We're not selling your info, we're not spamming your e-mail, we're just trying to bring our readers together and give out some free swag! If we get off to a decent start, members will be automatically entered into subsequent door prize drawings later for other free DVDs and b-movie merch. Want us to do something like this every month? Tell your friends! The more people who sign up, the more likely it is we'll make this a monthly thing!

And here I thought that my internet troubles had been taken care of... Anyway, today's much delayed reviews are as follows:

Fistula's Lame Duck reviews come to a head with an elusive little no-budget buddy horror(ish) road trip(ish) movie known as Redneck County Fever and a plotless Miles "Ator!" O'Keefe cold war Commie "blow 'em up" called Phantom Raiders!

Ragnarok also returns from his temporary hiatus with a doozy of a review for the always deplorable, always baffling, always Christopher Lee-ian "sequel that makes no sense"; Howling II: Your Sister Is A Werewolf!

As for Anubis, he brings the pain with his "52 Project" review for the homoerotic '70s lupine biker "opus" Werewolves On Wheels, then follows that up with a bonus review for the pilot episode of the short-lived oddball 1985 sci-fi action TV show Street Hawk. Guest starring Christopher Lloyd as the villain!

Oh yeah, and if you want to find our how to get your hands on a FREE copy of either Terror of MechaGodzilla or Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie on DVD, get your ass back here next and find out how! The great and powerful Oz has spoken!

Sorry about the delay in updates folks, there's been an internet service fuck up on my end and I haven't been able to post stuff. As such, not that things have just been turned back on, expect the rest of the week to be awash with the sticky goodness of new reviews! For now though, enjoy the review of Teeth that Anubis has been trying to bring you since Monday...

The "52" project marches on tonight as Anubis steps into the '70s with a review for the Italian morality horror tale Queens of Evil!

So long April Showers, hello Mayflower... and all the zombie plague infected Pilgrims you carry inside for you. Fistula's "Lame Ducks" reviews of the H.G. Lewis "Blood Trilogy" wrap up tonight with the not-so-classic rip-off of Roger Corman's A Bucket of Blood: Color Me Blood Red!

Anubis opted to take a little rest stop from the "52" stuff today and phoned in a Shortie. With Iron Man coming out tomorrow, why not review the first episode of the newest animated series to star Marvel Comic's real cash cow? So, here's his review for the premiere episode of "The Spectacular Spider-Man" - Survival of the Fittest!

The hits just keep comin'atcha this week kids, as Fistula's triumphant return to the reviewing abattoir that is the Tomb continues with his "Lame Duck Week" review for another piece of the H.G. Lewis "Blood Trilogy", the infamously classic Two-Thousand Maniacs!

Anubis also gets his train of unrelenting pain back on the tracks today with his "52 Project" review for the bizarre British sci-fi sex comedy known as Zeta One! Being the end of the month, Anubis also inducted a new comic book into the Tomb library, so please help yourself to our "free to download" copy of "Children of the Puppet Master #2" and give your ass a little booster shot of "culture"!

Hey kids, if you could have anything for Christmas 8 months early, what would it be? No, fuck a PlayStation3 with Grand Theft Auto IV. What you really want is the return of Fistula! Yaaaaaaaaaay! What the fuck do you mean, "No"? Ah, what do you know you little shits, you can't even buy cigarettes or porn. Nobody cares what you think with your text messaging and your Spring Break... Anyway, the Mighty Fist is back and he's ready to throw his keyboard at some deserving heads. What has brought the prodigal vaginal fissure back into the fold? Find out in his return review for the sacrilicious gore whoring H.G. Lewis classic, Blood Feast!

The "52 Project" catch up continues with tonight's review from Anubis for the schlock-tacular '60s crap sci-fi horror flick The Astro-Zombies! Another week or two of this and Anubis might actually catch up to himself!

Back to playing catch up (or ketchup if you prefer) on his "52 Project" Anubis brings forward the first of three back-to-back-to-back reviews this week. First up is the 1967 British sci-fi shlocker The Terrornauts! A movie that really needs to be seen to be believed... or at least the second half of it anyway.

Hey Hey Hey, it's Earth Day! Go out and plant a tree! Pick up some trash off the side of the road! Find that guy in your office who always throws his soda cans in the trash instead of the recycling bin and kick him as hard as you can in the baby bag! And when you're done giving a hoot and doing your part to relieve some of Mother Nature's workload, sit down and read Ragnarok's biodegradable review for Prophecy, part of the Tomb's "Reduce Reuse Recy-KILL" roundtable!

Hey kids, just wanted to let everybody know that we haven't forgotten you! Everybody's either really busy or out-of-town right now, so try not to let the separation anxiety eat your soul up too much. A few words of wisdom to some of our readers though: to the shitheads who spam us via the review feedback forms, your crap is all going to the same guy and he's got at least a high school education, so he's not retarded enough to click your stupid little douche bag links. It takes him all of 2 seconds to spot the spam and delete it, so you're wasting more of your own time than you are his. As for the handful of negative feedback we've gotten as of late, keep it coming! We're actually getting a laugh out of some of this stuff! Take is sleazy boys and girls, and look for some new material coming your way next week.

Anubis comes back with onto the "52 Project" with some more Japanese superhero fun! You'd think he'd have learned his lesson with Evil Brain From Outer Space, but here he is just a few weeks later with a review for The Golden Bat.

Nobody asked for it, but we're giving it to you anyway: Anubis takes a short detour from his regularly scheduled program to bring you a very special review of Troma's latest unholy creation. That's right, from the bowels of bad taste comes Poultrygeist!

Shadow over at Shadow's B-Movie Graveyard has cobbled together a roundtable "honoring" the creations of Full Moon founder and general bad movie icon Charles Band. As such, Anubis has decided to throw together a double-feature for the event, since Band's brand of no-budget cinema helped him survive high school and can be partially blamed for the birth of H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Today he has Part Two of that two-headed beast, Band's first killer kaiju flick, Zarkorr! The Invader. He also put together this month's downloadable comic book, and in honor of the event it's the first issue of "Children of the Puppet Master".

Not one to be left behind, Ragnarok put forth a review today too, this one for a flick that some would consider a classic piece of '80s b-horror, but that Ragnarok feels was more or less just another bad attempt at a shitty zombie movie, The Dead Pit.

Finally, though he wishes this was an April Fools joke, Anubis is going to be away from civilization for the rest of the week and as such won't be able to send in any updates. Long week in the Underworld I guess. Either way, he promises he'll be working while gone and will come in next week with a handful of new material, including a review for Lloyd Kaufman's latest: Poultrygeist!

Shadow over at Shadow's B-Movie Graveyard has cobbled together a roundtable "honoring" the creations of Full Moon founder and general bad movie icon Charles Band. As such, Anubis has decided to throw together a double-feature for the event, since Band's brand of no-budget cinema helped him survive high school and can be partially blamed for the birth of H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Tonight he has Part One of that two-headed beast, the giant fish story called Kraa! The Sea Monster.

Anubis further sacrifices his health, sanity, and love life to bring you his continued catching-up of the "52 Project" when he reviews Richard Kiel and a small army of robot doppelgangers in today's feature: Jaws of the Alien!

Ragnarok and Anubis came in to work today on their own seperate missions. Ragnarok put together his first reviews to include SCREEN SHOTS(!!!) with the John Carpenter created horror directors all-star anthology jamboree Body Bags! For Anubis's piece of the work pie today, he did up a review for the Kevin Smith directed pilot episode of Reaper!

For all you readers out there who just kinda blow it off whenever we review animated movies here, well, you might wanna just leave now and come back on Monday... For the rest of you, we've got a special four-color double-feature today! Anubis and Ragnarok take on two halves of the same whole when the God of Death reviews Ultimate Avengers and the Emissary of the Apocalypse reviews Ultimate Avengers 2! Perhaps it's the upcoming Iron Man movie or the newly released trailer for The Incredible Hulk, but either way both incarnations of cosmic power were inspired to give Marvel Comics the spotlight tonight.

Anubis continues to play Catch-Up this week, as he returns with another belated "52 Project" review, this one for the Japanese superhero mess called Evil Brain From Outer Space! See the husky hero Starman pit his spandex against the evil powers of an alien brain that lives inside of a briefcase! As a bonus, Anubis also put out a Shorty review for the latest Stephen King adaptation, the "monster movie that isn't a monster movie" documentary of the human mind known as The Mist.

Wow, March just ain't been working out so well for your crew from the Tomb! Well, that comes to an end today. It's St. Patrick's Day! Before they went out to imbibe in some Emerald pleasantries, Anubis and Ragnarok reported in with some new review goodness for the fans. Ragnarok took in a post-apocalyptic viewing of Neil Marshall's new mish-mash mayhem movie Doomsday! Does the director of Dog Soldiers and The Descent strike gold for the third time in a row, or is the third time far from a charm? From our serpentine God of Destruction to our canine God of Death, Anubis gets back on the review train for a trip to Francis Ford Coppola town when the "52 Project" Express hits up Dementia 13 for some ax swinging murder and mystery (though not a whole lot of either to be fair) in what may or may not be the legendary director's debut!

Hmmmmm, a very quiet first week-and-a-half from the writers for the month of March. Everybody's takin' a little break, but Nix found some time to review the third in his series of homemade indie short films as a man and his Christmas tree find themselves in a domestic dispute situation in Seasons' Eating's! Anubis also takes a break from his holiday to bring by a Shortie review for Frank Sylvester Stallone's latest violence opus, Rambo! Scrod bless us, everyone.

Hey, it's Leap Day! The perfect day to review movies about frogs and grasshoppers and rabbits and whatever else is known for their prominent leaping abilities! What else is know for leaping? Jumping beans. And where do jumping beans come from? Mexico. What else comes from Mexico? Twisted fairy tales and movies about guys throwing sea turtles at each other. As such, in celebration of Leap Day, Ragnarok reviews the south-of-the-border Edgar Allen Poe crapdaptation Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon and Anubis's "52" project frolicks with Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters! Buenos Dia del Leapo amigos!

Today Anubis rang up a Shortie review for the recently released to DVD "new spin on vampires" flicks called 30 Days of Night. It stars Josh Hartnett, so it can't possibly be any good, right? Well, maybe...

Today's shiny new review of eternal doom comes from Ragnarok, as the serpentine herald of the Gods' twilight snacks on the Ed Wood penned killer vagina vegetable monster flick, The Revenge of Dr. X!

Anubis wanted to get in his "52" review this week, but decided that he was still recovering from the beating given to him by Wiseguys Vs. Zombies. So, he'll just double up on work next week, but today instead did some minor tweaking to some of the reviews, fixed a broken link here and there, and imported a few more of the older reviews into the newer format. He also came in with some more polls for our readers to help voice their opinions on the site's direction, and gift-wrapped some downloadable literature for you kids in the comics section of our Bonus Features page. What's today's four-color funny? It starts with "Rep", ends with "cus", and has "tili" in the center. Give up? So have I...

Rob of The KO Picture Show, in conjunction with Andrew of BadMovies.org, has put together a roundtable celebrating the classic contraction that is "Vs.". Our entry into these rope-a-dope festivities? Anubis plowed through a scathing last-minute review for the "fresh from the bottom of the shit heap" abortion known as Wiseguys Vs. Zombies! Hillbillies trying to be Italian mobsters fighting rednecks trying to be budget zombies. It's all uphill from here...

Sorry for the non-update yesterday folks, personal matters to attend to. If things hadn't come up, here's what you would've read yesterday (but are instead reading today): Ragnarok's review for Counter Destroyer! Anubis's review for Freaky Farley! And the return of our beloved NutJob to the fray, along with her review for the 1999 Hollywood action movie The Mummy!

A little late for the Friday update, but Ragnarok and Anubis dropped off a pair of reviews today. The incarnation of Asgardian Apocalypse brought forth his thoughts on the Tobe Hooper fungus zombie flick Mortuary, while the Egyptian God of Death brings in the worst kung-fu movie in history for his "52 Weeks" project, Karate, the Hand of Death!

Happy V-D all you sappy motherfuckers out there! In celebration of the "holiday", Anubis wanted to do a movie all about love: the love of a man for his wife, of a mother for her children, of a viewer for bladder rattling violence between a naked bodybuilder and an Elephantiasis ravaged retard! As such, check out his review for Beowulf.

Ragnarok cuts to the chase with the Republican cock slurping of last year's latest attempt to make new money by using the same old cookie cutter: Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman's The Invasion.

We got a double feature spanning old school no-budget and new school big-budget today for ya kiddies! First, Nix catches up with the mysterious statue decapitating monster of Cloverfield! Then, Ragnarok fights out of every man's worst nightmare only to don his tights and cape to do battle with a masked Adonis in the torturous Bloody Pit of Horror! Two for the price of none folks. Cuz freedom ain't nothin' if it ain't free...

Anubis rings up his "52" project title for the week, with the 1960 deserted island mutant monster mash that "MST3K" will recognize as Horrors of Spider Island! So bad it's, well, just bad...

Still coming down off the high he got from the Giants' Super Bowl victory, Anubis finally called in to work today to produce a Shortie review for the premiere episode of the ill-fated Sci-Fi Original Series spinning off of the Tremors franchise, entitled Feeding Frenzy! If you've never seen the show, read on and find out why it didn't last an entire season...

In celebration of the Giants' Super Bowl victory (or rather the Patriots' historic Super Bowl defeat), Fistula bypasses the traditional Gatorade bath in favor of downing A Bucket of Blood! What does Roger Corman have to do with East Coast football? Just read the review already...

Anubis shows up today with the first of that "extensive new content" he promised us this week. His reviews for today are a trio of TV shows, all of them premieres of their respected series. First is the "Jack of All Trades" episode Return of the Dragoon, followed by the animated '80s "The Incredible Hulk" episode Tomb of the Unknown Hulk, topped off with the Japanese horror sitcom "The Great Horror Family" episode, The Horror! The Cursed Imawano Family!. Think of this as Anubis's way of trying to survive the onslaught of reality television in the wake of the writers' strike...

Ragnarok signed in today with a review for the abominable hippie cowboy excuse for an exploitation movie known as Curse of the Headless Horseman! Feel his joy...

Your humble narrator here again kids. Anubis apologizes for his delay in getting this week's "52" project review up, but he finally finished it today. As such, everybody give a round of applause up for the 1958 atomic brain monster film, The Brain From Planet Arous!... oh wait, that was last week's atomic brain monster film. This week it's Fiend Without a Face!

So I was cleaning out some of the Tomb's old closet space, when I dusted off a review that Ragnarok had done back in 2004 as a guest! I recoded it, grabbed some cover art for it, and now it lives again as our own wyrm of the Apocalypse heads to the Island of Death for a vacation full of murder and mutilation in lovely Greece!

Hey everybody, Nix is back! Nix is back! Following up the astonishing return last week of everyone's favorite fisting fiend Fistula, our resident flea-bitten fanged-one shows up at the Tomb's doorstep with a brand new review for Saw IV clenched in his jaws! Careful, I haven't tested the drool residue on that review for rabies...

Ragnarok rings in on the Original Sins roundtable, reviewing the surprisingly not-as-bad-as-you'd-expect Sci-Fi Original movie Komodo Vs. Cobra! Because you know the only thing better than a movie about a giant man-eating reptile is a movie about TWO giant man-eating reptiles... that fight each other!

Holy shit, we're up early today! Why would we update 20 or so hours earlier than usual? Well, truth be told, we've got two announcements that we've been giddy like schoolgirls to set into motion! Yeah, you heard me, giddy like schoolgirls. Anyway, the first announcement is that The Tomb's "Bonus Materials" section finally lives! This is going to be the landing pad for any and all of the stuff that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the site. Instead of telling you about what we've got for you, why not save the surprise and check out the Bonus Materials page for yourself? Okay, I'll give you a hint: you can download free shit and it marks the return of wayward son Fistula to the fold. Excited yet? You sure as shit should be!

The other big deal we wanted to get going ASAP is the Tomb's first inter-promotional roundtable! Well, it's not the first we've participated in, but it is indeed the first we've hosted... well, the first in like 5 years. Anyway, it's a little thing we like to call Original Sins, so check it out! Oh yeah, almost forgot, be sure to check out Anubis's contribution to the roundtable, the horrendous Ice Spiders! Enjoy!

Anubis fires off Round 2 of his "52" project, this time bringing you infamous 1957 sci-fi monster movie The Giant Claw The Brain From Planet Arous!

Ragnarok braves the foul taint of Uwe Boll in his review for the man-thing's latest pile of cinematic video game adaptation diarrhea: the (b-)star studded action fantasy knock-off, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale!

Anubis brings his own beer today with another pair of Shortie reviews: the very first episode of the long dead syndicated horror anthology series known as "Monsters", entitled The Feverman and an almost appropriate follow-up to yesterday baby heist Shoot 'Em Up, with Jackie Chan's own rugrat run around flick, Robin-B-Hood!

Anubis chimes in today with two Shortie reviews: the James Caan bloodsport classic Rollerball and the recently new to DVD Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti run & gun action parody Shoot 'Em Up.

Ragnarok kicks off his 2008 right with a look at the lackluster 1970s Sasquatchsploitation craze brought on by such cult favorites as The Legend of Boggy Creek when he goes Bigfoot huntin' in the wilds of Louisiana to track down the "legendary" Creature From Black Lake!

That's right kids, it's finally time to kick off 2008 here at the Tomb! Just so you know, the last week wasn't us being lazy or anything, we were taking a "sick day"... to sleep off our 2007 hangovers. Anyway, I'm fighting through a NyQuil haze to bring you this update, so let's get it over with before the pink elephants humping my leg get too close to any major body cavities...

As promised, Anubis is starting off the year with a sizable announcement: every week of 2008 will feature another in a series of reviews as the God-turned-Man counts up from 1956 to 2008 in his "52 Years, 52 Weeks, 52 Killer, Monsters, & Freaks" countdown... err, countup(?!) to 2009! For starters, he picked out a very special movie for everybody's viewing pleasure, the 1956 radioactive pudding monster Hammer flick, X the Unknown!

No updates today kids, as everybody's preparing for the coming of the new year... hopefully with their mouths opened and their eyes closed, because I've seen what happens when someone gets a protein squirt in the eye and it's not pretty... Uhm, anyway, 2007 was a great year for the site! We welcomed aboard a number of new talent, everybody put forth some great efforts, we participated in a number of roundtable efforts with some really great fellow sites in the b-movie community, and we managed to avoid lapsing into a 6 month site coma! Wahoo! I'd like to say thanks to everybody for all their hard work, thanks to our readers for sticking with us through another year, welcome aboard to everyone who discovered us over the last 365 days, and a big thanks for anyone who was cool enough to point others in our direction. Because the best thing our readers can give us (beyond kudos and the occasional hate email) is some free promotion!

What does 2008 have in store? How the fuck should I know?! Those big gorgeous globes between my legs ain't made of crystal! You can definitely expect more roundtable efforts (we're hosting one coming up in the next few weeks, acually!) and Anubis has something in store that he plans on revealing with the first update of the new year, but beyond that we're gonna continue flying by the seat of our pants and pulling everything out of our asses as we're know to do! Rock on ladles and Germans, and a Happy Fucking New Year to everybody!

Ragnarok reins in a duo of reviews today, starting with a review for the "badly done but they had fun making it" Canadian mutant monster flick Kill Them and Eat Them! He then follows that up with a Shortie for the tragically un-involving boredom that it a mutant rat-man scientist in Panic.

Oye, now that my holiday hangover has passed, let's get back to work! Ragnarok lowers the guillotine on the latest sci-fi horror abortion from Fox in his angry review for Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem. Anubis also sinks his teeth into a new release with an epilogue to his "I Am The Last Omega Legendary Blah Blah Blah" week as he reviews I Am Legend.

Speaking of Anubis, he also had just enough motivation today to put together three old reviews for the Archives, so check out his past play-by-plays on Batman Begins, Battlefield Earth, and Blade.

Gory Cthulhumas lords and ladies! May the Elder Gods shine their fire and terror on you and yours this year! For those not embraced in the carnage of the Great Destroyers, Anubis has a couple of consolation prizes for you! First, he's re-formated the classic Mexican holiday acid trip Santa Claus for everybody's enjoyment! He also drops some cheer into your stockings this year with a new review for the future holiday classic-to-be, Black Santa's Revenge, starring Ken Foree, who is mighty in his seasons' greetings and beatings! Now go forth and feast on the bounty before you and keep your tentacles crossed that Father Cthulhu brings you the sweet release you've always wanted at this time next year!

Yeah, that's right, we took a week off from work! Who are you, our boss? Exactly. Anyway, just so you don't think last week was spent lazying around and doing nothing, Anubis has a few new reviews for you. First, he covers an independent comic book short film with the Troma-tized Cracked Out Super Heroes, then he follows it up with a kaiju simulation as he breaks barriers and does a video game review for Godzilla: Unleashed on the Nintendo Wii! Now, fuck your last minute shopping and instead go forth and taste the mediocrity!

Oh yeah, Anubis is under the weather, but he says he'll be back tomorrow to wrap up "I Am The Last Legendary Omega Man On Earth" Week, so he invites everyone to come back tomorrow night.

Oh yeah, our Links section is finally up and running again too! So, if you're curious about what bad movie sites we ourselves go to, or if you've just got a site of your own to push, head over and check it out!

Ragnarok gives you something to make up for the fact that it's Monday tonight, when he brings forth his decidedly unhappy review for the half-assed, lazy, falsely labeled "disturbing" and "intense" Vegas slasher flick Murder Set Pieces!

Anubis will be putting down new reviews for each of the next three days as well, in anticipation of Friday's I Am Legend. Don't mistake this as support of the movie, it's just an excuse for Anubis to review three related movies while he's still got the free time. Meh.

Had to finish up that "Tent of Terror" review I mentioned on Monday, so "Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday" will have to go postponed yet again. As such, Anubis brings you his belated review for the tragic waste of film and time known as Carnival of Blood! Ragnarok also brings something new to the table this week with his review for the secret killer mutant sci-fi horror movie Syngenor!

Still busy with cobbling the site back together, so we just kinda phoned it in today. Got a healthy dose of Archive reviews for you kids to nibble on in the meantime though, so have at them!

Finishing off Ragnarok's old reviews from the original Brotherhood of Bad Movies site, here are the last of the man's Archive reviews: Biohazard, The Blade Master, Brain Dead and Buried Alive! We dug up a few from Anubis's past works too, thus bringing you these not-so-classic criticisms: American Psycho, The Amityville Horror, and Amityville Dollhouse!

If you've never read them, they're new to you!... I think I die a little inside every time I repeat that line...

And so begin the season's beatings as The Tomb shakes hands with the final month of 2007. Cthulhumas, Cthulhunakkah and Cthulhuanza are right around the corner and we here of course wish you all a violent and bloodsoaked holiday! May all your sacrifices be virginal and your Elder God of choice be vengeful!

One new review today as we continue working out our transfer of reviews from our old service to the new. Anubis takes a trip through the looking glass for a little high school horror and Heathers style social conflict in Mirror, Mirror! For those interested, I fixed the screen shot issues with the Slave of the Cannibal God review, so if you'd like to check that out in all it's hilarious glory, give your eyeballs a treat. Also, for everybody directed here via the "Tent of Terror" roundtable, the review for Carnival of Blood will be up by the end of the week, so check back in later!

A pair of overdue reviews for all our friends to enjoy today. These should have gone up on Monday but, well, if you haven't been keeping track then you can just scan down over the last couple entries to figure out what happened. Anyway, on with the show:

Ragnarok returns from his honeymoon (normally I'd say why buy the goat when you get the sex for free, but congrats anyway big man!) to bring us a little vampire crime mystery from the Philippines in Blood Thirst! Beware the turd-faced man! Meanwhile, NutJob makes her return to the Tomb with a review for her friends' horror short gross-out comedy Happy Effing Halloween! The entire short is available to view at the end of the review, so go have a watch!

As you can tell, we're doing a little remodeling to the place. I was hoping to do something like this sooner or later in 2008, but certain circumstances have forced my hand to move the work ahead. This includes converting all of the 450+ reviews on site to fit the slightly new format. In order to keep from losing the interest of our current crop of readers, we'll still be slipping in new material during the conversion. Keep in mind that this will no doubt hinder the progress, but hopefully not immensely. It may be a few weeks before we make the review index available again, so in that time, please navigate all new material via your "Back" button or by clicking the link at the top of the page for "Home" to head back to the front page. I know this is going to seem like a hassle to everybody, but in lieu of shutting the whole thing down for a month and doing it all at once, I figure everybody else can appreciate what we're doing instead. Thanks for understanding boys and girls... and if you're bored and want to help spread the love for the site, why not click that little "Digg It" icon to the right of your screen and show us you care? Groovy. Thanks in advance.

The "You Are Who You Eat" Week finale!

Anubis heads into the jungles yet again this week, now joined by Stacy Keach and Ursula Andress as they hunt down a missing buddy in the cannibal infested overgrowth of Slave of the Cannibal God, before bringing out the leftovers one final time this week with an Archive review for the 1999 semi-classic Ravenous to put on his sweet potato pie!

Enjoy National Consumption Day everybody! Gorge yourselves until the buttons fly free from your pants and you're left with stretch marks after your next bowel movement. I'm already there...

"You Are Who You Eat" Week continues!

Anubis pulls a steaming pile of candied fetus out of the oven with Joe D'Amato's disappointly un-shocking video nasty The Grim Reaper, then pours everybody a nice cold one when he grabs an Archive review for The Silence of the Lambs out of the freezer!

Tomorrow will more than likely be the end of our little party (unless I can dig up some internet service out in the wilds of upstate New York), so check back in tomorrow (or just wait till Thursday to make it all the more special) for more Sapien flavored goodness! Mmmmm Mmmmmmm!

Ragnarok starts off the festivities with the salad portion of our meal, as he digs into Roger Corman's 1960 horror-comedy classic, The Little Shop of Horrors! Meanwhile, Anubis digs up a stale side dish with the recently deceased (and pungent) Welcome To the Jungle and regurgitates a piece of meals past with an archive ressurection of his old review for a personal cannibalism favorite, the '80s dark-comedy Motel Hell!

Be sure to check back in with us tomorrow and Wednesday too, because the festivities continue when we bring you more tasty morsels to send through your bad movie entrails! Feel that pain down below? That's not a kidney stone my friends, it's the Tomb of Anubis.