I…I don’t even know where to start, here.

This is a movie I’ve been meaning to see, for years. But I’m glad I put it aside, after the rave reviews and hype and let it just exist on its own.

Whoo….

I don’t think I’ve seen anything this complicated, yet comprehensible and intense, in a looooong time.

I’m gonna see if I can wrap up the story in a succinct and understandable manner. Here we go.

Our hero, who has a very Asian name, so we’re just going to call him Oldboy, is kidnapped in the streets and forced to live 15 years, alone, in a, basically, apartment. Constantly fed Asian food and nothing to do than watch television and write out all his thoughts as to why he might be in this situation. Listing everyone he had wronged and never knowing what the fuck is going on.

He also tries to train himself to fight, by punching at the wall.

While he’s trapped, he is also framed for the murder of his wife. They would gas him and then took a blood sample and took a glass with his fingerprints on it.

I really don’t know what to give away, here. I’m still reeling from the dual ending, myself.

He’s released into a world that has changed, meets up with a girl at a sushi bar, who takes care of him and tries to help him find his daughter.

He is, also, constantly contacted by the person that paid to have him locked up for so long. The mystery guy is leading him through a game to figure out the why’s and who’s that got him there.

The endings are just fucking insane.

Also, the film, itself, is chaotic, beautiful and well thought out. It’s like all those stupid Hollywood movies that involved memory fuckery, but done really well. I couldn’t miss a minute of this film.

There are some very raw fight scenes that are more true to actual street fighting than that shitty J C Van Damme movie about the Street Fighter video game. Actually, I don’t think that movie had any, actual, street fighting, anyway.

Okay. I’m gonna SPOILER away, here. I have to tell you why this movie totally fucked with my mind.

So, just scroll past the lines of “!!!!!!!!!!”, and you’ll be fine. But I have to share why this was so intense.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turns out that the guy that got him locked up used to fuck his own sister, and Oldboy accidentally witnessed them doing bad things, mentioned it to a friend (this was in school, btw) and she killed herself.

So, the whole set-up, the whole fucking game was to get Oldboy to have sex and fall in love with his own goddamn daughter!

WTF? Seriously! I can’t believe I just saw that happen!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so….Whew. Damn.

That was intense.

Sorry that this hasn’t been a very good review, but I still can’t believe all that shit the movie made me go through!

There’s a teeth-pulling scene, a guy cuts off his own tongue, it’s just fucking insane! Like if Cronenberg would get back to his roots!

Okay, I’m done. I’ve vented and made myself feel, somewhat, better.

I highly recommend this flick to everyone.