The thing about Bill Rebane’s movies is, they can all be described as “it’s like something happened, but in Wisconsin”. For example, “It’s like what would happen if giant alien spiders invaded the world, but in Wisconsin”. Much like Charles B. Pierce has an innate ability to capture the very essence of his home state through the lens (it’s like something happened, but in Arkansas), Bill Rebane has that ability with Wisconsin. So Alpha Incident is like Andromeda Strain. But in Wisconsin.

A probe returning from Mars is found to be contaminated with a Martian virus. While two scientists (one of whom is played by the raspberry-blowing redneck gem appraiser from Giant Spider Invasion - only in a Bill Rebane movie…) at a government lab run tests on rats, Mr. Sorensen is sent across country with the rest of the deadly cargo on a train. Seems like there’re better ways to transport top-secret space viruses than in a boxcar, but this is Wisconsin, after all. When lovably goofy railroad worker Hank cuts his hand on one of the vials of space virus, the next station where the train stops becomes a quarantine zone.

Now stationmaster Charlie, handyman Jack, and secretary Jennie are trapped along with Hank and Sorensen in the railroad station as Dr. Raspberry and co. attempt to discover how the virus works. It’s found that the virus activates when the host is asleep, causing tremendous swelling in the brain, to the point that the skull shatters from the inside. Amphetamines are shipped to the group at the station, but not before Hank escapes after suffering several gunshots from Sorensen. Charlie falls asleep and his head explodes quite spectacularly, driving Jennie to shoot herself.

Will an antidote to the virus be found before Sorensen and Jack succumb to sleep, or will the government wipe out the survivors before an epidemic strikes? What would a Bill Rebane movie be without a high school science lab masquerading as a government facility? Will Jack be tricked into taking a cyanide capsule? Will Sorensen discover that he’s immune to the virus just before a cleanup squad break in and shoot him? Will I give away the ending of the movie? Do you care?

The biggest problem with the movie is the gaps in concern for the spread of the virus. Along with the amphetamines, plastic bags for waste removal are sent to the station. Since nothing is known about how it’s transmitted, no fluids must be allowed to reach the water table. Yet, when Hank escapes after being shot, Sorensen’s concern goes no further than, “Ah, he won’t get far”. Yes, but he’ll go that short distance LEAKING BLOOD EVERYWHERE!. And no matter how else a virus movies, I guarandamntee you that getting infected blood all over you will do the trick! All it’d take is for someone’s farm dog to find the corpse, take a bite, lick his master’s hand, and it’s Asian Bird Fru all over again. Except, y’know, actually an epidemic instead of a media spook show and a really bad NBC TV movie.

Aside from that, the movie’s actually pretty decent. The acting is passable, especially from Hank, surprisingly. The goofy hillbilly railroad worker is capable of a somber and convincingly both afraid and guilty performance once the space virus hits the fan. And of course there was Charlie’s gooey slow-motion cranial blowout, which was definitely the highlight of the flick. The dark, grainy film, which most times would just make you think the director cobbled his footage together from whatever film he found at the back of his basement, makes the claustrophobic tension of the situation stand out all the more. Goddammit, I’m sick of overly-sharp focused shaky handheld action cam ruining a movie by reminding you that you’re watching a movie about five people dying of a mysterious, head-exploding space virus instead of five people actually dying of a mysterious, head-exploding space virus. Suck my balls, Michael Mann.

Please feel free to pick up a complimentary bag of cheese curd on your way out.