The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl (2005) - Nix Eclipse travels the land of PG childrens' superhero fantasy in Robert Rodriguez's 3-D kiddie movie about a kid whose fantasy heroes come to life to save him from George Lopez!
Aerobicide (1986) - Fistula fends off personal terror and sweaty spandex clad crotch shots when he defends himself from this personal attack by Anubis about a murder mystery at a health spa.
Akira (1988) - Anubis throws down a few thoughts on the movie that opened up the Western world to the influence of Japanese animation as futuristic teenage bikers get hassled by the government and their crazed genetic experiment.
The Alchemist (1986) - Ragnarok watches yet another "missed the mark" movie about an ancient curse and a werewolf or something. You know the drill.
Alien (1979) - Though no one can hear you in space, Anubis will sing the praises of Ridley Scott's greatest movie ever until his throat is raw and his vocal chords withered and imploded.
Alien Contamination (1983) - Ragnarok finds oozing green alien eggs in his imported coffee when smugglers start trafficking in gore spewing alien parasites!
Alien Prey (1978) - Ragnarok revels in the feline alien powers of Anders Anderson in this video nasty about secluded friends and vicious alien monster attacks.
Aliens (1986) - Anubis learns that when you've reached the top of the mountain in terms of outer space thrillers (Alien), it's better to go a completely different route with the sequel. As such, we get James Cameron's space marines vs. xenomorphs action movie love-in.
Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) - Ragnarok ends 2007 on a down note when he tries to salvage some fan boy love with the second cinematic effort at pitting two of the universe's deadliest species against each other with only lukewarm results. Seriously kids, just stick with the comic books.
Alone in the Dark (2005) - NutJob has an Uwe Boll movies forced upon her by Nix as Christian Slater stars in this horror movie video game adaptation about alien monster conspiracies or something. It's Uwe Boll, that's all you need to know...
The Alpha Incident (1978) - Ragnarok learns that not all Bill Rebane movies are necessarily a death sentence as he takes in this Martian virus plague movie that plays out like The Andromeda Strain... in Wisconsin.
Altered (2006) - Ragnarok goes snipe huntin' with a bevy of hillbillies only to wind up playing Reservoir Dogs with an alien lifeform as the shit hits the fan courtesy of that guy who directed The Blair Witch Project.
The Amazing Screw-On Head (2006) - Anubis witnesses one of the few original Sci-Fi Channel productions not to make his guts twist in agony when the creator of Hellboy brings us another delightful oddity with this animated pilot based on the graphic novel about a disembodied head battling the forces of evil for Abe Lincoln!
The Amazing Transplant (1971) - Dodging Grunge is amazed not so much by the transplant in question (a penis that drives its new owner to rape and murder), but by the daring queen of trash cinema that created this ode to bad taste: Doris Wishman!
American Ninja (1985) - Fistula engages one of the biggest perpetrators of the "white men can't kung-fu" genre as Michael Dudikoff falls head first through the beginning of a long cycle of pain.
American Psycho (2000) - Anubis travels back to those wacky '80s as corporate yuppie-type Patrick Bateman takes his elitist frustrations out on colleagues, co-workers, and the occasional homeless guy.
An American Werewolf in London (1981) - Anubis tries to figure out what the fuss is all about over this John Landis dark comedy lupine pic from the gloriously gorey '80s.
An American Werewolf in Paris (1997) - Anubis stumbles through yet another totally needless sequel that's too little too late and dismisses what made the original worth watching to begin with.
The Amityville Horror (1979) - Anubis tries to seperate fact from fiction with the infamous "based on a true story" haunted house tale about a blue collar Long Island guy and the odd hatred of his family that their creepy new home instills in him.
Amityville Dollhouse (1996) - Anubis sees the advantages of playing with dolls when a haunted dollhouse and evil chimney cause the usual Amityville type family disputes, this time going all Lifetime Channel by trying to get a teenage boy and his hot stepmom into bed together...
Ankle Biters (2002) - Anubis fends off the advances of a small army (in every sense of the word...) of 3ft tall bloodsuckers and their big fat juggernaut of superhuman size and strength as they try to transform the human race into vampires too.
A.P.E.X. (1994) - Ragnarok wades through one of the many "killer toaster from tomorrow" movies those damnable '90s heaped upon us... damn them.
Are You Scared? (2006) - Anubis follows the mysterious Shadow Man as he captures attractive twenty-somethings and puts their lives in danger for fabulous prizes. This is the cinematic version of a Saw 2 copycat killer...
Army of Darkness (1992) - Anubis botches the magic words when he and his boomstick review Ash's third and final excursion into Deadite territory in the far flung past.
Atomic Rulers (1964) - Ragnarok shakes hands with the Japanese super hero from outer space, Prince of Space Starman, as he battles gangsters and 8-year-olds for the atomic safety of the world!
Ator the Fighting Eagle (1982) - Ragnarok takes up his sword and cute bear cub sidekick to kill evil spider worshippers in the "classic" Italian Conan knock-off!
Attack of the Supermonsters (1982) - Ragnarok travels to a future where puppet dinosaurs battle military super science toys and try to eat animated people! This craziness is followed up with a mini bonus review for an episode of "the Backyardigans"... don't mock it boys and girls, when you're a parent, this kinda shit could save your love life.
Attack of the Supermonsters (1982) - Anubis gives his take on the fire-breathing hand puppets and their battle with the toys and toons of the Gemini Force.
The Attic Expeditions (2001) - Anubis injests black magic, mental trickery and scientific manipulations along with Seth Green, Ted Raimi and the always adjective worthy Jeffrey Combs.
Back From Hell (1993) - Anubis gets a pleasant surprise from a home video horror flick about a lumpy, washed up Hollywood actor who teams up with his long time preacher pal to battle the forces of Beelzebub... and a crotch attacking demon bible.
Barbarella (1968) - Anubis and Dino De Laurentiis take the plunge into the psychedelic sci-fi swimming pool once more when Jane Fonda travels the galaxy and screws anything with a dick.
Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires (2003) - Ragnarok takes in yet another movie about vampire kidnappers and girl-on-girl action, only made with far more heart than budget. The self-proclaimed "legacy" of Ed Wood.
The Barn of the Blood Llama (1997) - Ragnarok embraces this trippy indie horror flick about a barn... and, uhm... some llama... made of blood... or drinking blood... yeah. Wacked out cameo by Clive "Hellraiser" Barker!
Batman Begins (2005) - Anubis joins the Dark Knight for a tag team tussle with the fear mongering Scarecrow and the deceptive Ra's Al Ghul... and the criminally lifeless acting of Katie Holmes...
Battlefield Earth (2000) - Anubis laughs uncontrollably for a few hours as John Travolta tries to bring legitimacy to Scientology with a movie about goofy looking aliens with dreadlocks overtaking the Earth.
The Beast That Killed Women (1965) - Ragnarok watches the boobies bounce when an all-women nudist colony is attacked by a (guy in a realy lame) killer ape (costume)!
Berserk! (1967) - NutJob and Joan Crawford try to solve the mystery of who keeps killing off the performers at the deadliest place on Earth: the circus!
Beyond the Bermuda Triangle (1975) - Ragnarok finds himself sadly bored and lacking in boobage when he plops down this Playboy Pictures production starring the absent minded professor and the first victim of the "Diff'rent Strokes" curse: Dana Plato!
Beyond Darkness (1990) - Ragnarok suffers through an Italian Amityville that just refuses to end when a family's new home turns out to be a domain of Satanic intrigue and wacky happenings.
B-Fest 2007 (2007) - Ragnarok recounts his time at the 2007 celebration of bad movies known as B-Fest.
B-Fest 2007 (2007) - Fistula gives his recap of the 2007 installment of the annual bad movie festival.
Big Trouble In Little China (1986) - NutJob goes for broke when Kurt Russell and John Carpenter team-up yet again, this time to do battle in an ancient Chinese supernatural gang war! Keep on trucking, kids.
Biohazard (1985) - Ragnarok battles the lame-assedness of Fred Olen Ray when a secret government project brings, what else, havoc and interdimensional alien monsters down on everyone involved!
Bizarre (1970) - Nix brings us a movie that truly lives up to it's name as our humble narrator (a centuries old mummy) regales us with weird stories of sexual consequences and titties. Lots o' titties.
Blackadder: Back & Forth (1999) - Anubis travels through time and space with the "Blackadder" crew in this millenium reunion special that puts a final touch on the short-lived classic British sitcom.
Black Christmas (2006) - Nix takes in some holiday cheer (of the prescription kind) and watches yet another Hollywood remake of a '70s cult horror flick, this one about a closet roaming killer and their sorority house stabbing meat.
Black Santa's Revenge (2007) - Anubis and Ken Foree take down a crime ring of yuletide thugs intent on stealing toys from needy kids and pawning them off for spending money!... so, they seriously think they're going to make money fencing stolen toys? What the fuck...
Black Sheep (2006) - Anubis asks you not to confuse this movie with the David Spade-Chris Farley movie of the same name. This one has a lot more ravenous mutant sheep in it... and it was shot in New Zealand.
Blade (1998) - Anubis gives Purple Nurples to the raving vampires of the world, fighting Donal Logue, Stephen Dorff and Udo Kier with the help of Wesley Snipes and... Kris Kristofferson!?
The Blade Master (1984) - Ragnarok follows Italian sword-swinger Ator as he heroes his ass through another epic quest through the lands of high adventure, this time without his beloved bear cub partner as he tries to prevent a race of primitive men from discovering atomic weapons!
The Blade Master (1984) - Ragnarok original Brotherhood of Bad Movies review for this, the second outing of the barbarian knock-off known as Ator.
The Blair Witch Project (1999) - Anubis tries to figure out what the hypnotic secret is to this movie that made it turn everybody retarded in the last days of the 20th century.
Bless the Child (2000) - Anubis sloshes on through yet another entry into the "child is either the return of Christ or the seed of Satan" genre, only this time with Kim Basinger and Christina Ricci to hold his dick hand for him.
Blood Beach (1981) - Anubis heads for the beach when people start disappearing, sucked into the shifting sands and pissing off John Saxon and Burt Young!
Blood Freak (1972) - Anubis takes a hit and downs some Tryp before watching this Christian scare film about the horrible mutations caused by marijuana and science!
Blood Thirst (1971) - Ragnarok solves a murder mystery in the Phillipines with an American gumshoe, battling a blood sucking monster whose fecal facial features make him bulletproof!
Boo (2005) - Dr. Nix, please report to the haunted hospital to dispense of some teen horror fodder. Dr. Nix to the horror hospital please.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) - Anubis feels kinda sell-outish when he enjoys the glossy Hollywood sequel far more than the "we're trying to be artsy and gritty" original.
Brain Dead (1990) - Ragnarok goes on a royal mind-fuck of a cinematic road trip through the dark recesses of the brain with Bills Paxton and Pullman as they try to figure out just who's who in this flick that's best described as "Whaaaa?!".
The Brain From Planet Arous (1957) - Anubis matches wits with the sinister alien brain known as Gor when the extraterrestrial gray matter tries to take over the world... and get laid!
Bride of Boogedy (1987) - Anubis sleeps through the lackluster sequel to one of his childhood favorites in this horribly overweight Disney feature that sees the return of the evil Pilgrim known as Boogedy.
Bruiser (2000) - Anubis mopes through another non-zombie George Romero movie, this one about a spineless corporate douche bag who finds himself liberated and vengeful when his face magically disappears one day...
Bug Buster (1998) - Ragnarok goes through the segmented motions in another big bug flick, this one featuring Randy Quaid, Downtown Julie Brown and half the cast of 'Star Trek'... take that as you will.
Burial Ground (1981) - Anubis wades through another cookie-cutter Italian zombie flick... with one very important and entirely disturbing twist.
Buried Alive (1979) - Ragnarok bitch slaps Joe D'Amato and his incestual necrophilia lovin' ass for besmirching the world with yet another shit stained Italian b-horror brown bomber about weirdos and taxidermists.
Cabin Fever (2001) - Anubis is shocked to find that he actually enjoys Eli Roth's first outing behind the camera... disturbingly so. The sidekick from 'Boy Meets World' and his college buddies go to a cabin in the woods (which never ends well) and find pain and doom in the form of flesh eating bacteria! PANCAKES!
Cannibal Holocaust (1980) - Ragnarok originally did this review on one of horror's most infamous features as a paper for a legitimate college course! Hey, it's only fare that people whould get some kind of credit for watching Ruggero Deodato's cinematic brutality and trying to defend it as a legitimate editorial on the relationship between man and woman in modern society... with cannibals.
Carnival of Blood (1970) - Anubis heads down to Coney Island to kill irritating women and the occasionally irritating guy with the aid of Rocky's Burt Young in his first role... as a retarded hunchback. Nice.
Cat People (1982) - Ragnarok gets out the cat nip and rubber mouse toys when a creepy brother-sister couple deal with such modern day "real life" topics as incest and werecats. It's the ultimate after-school special that every parents should use to educate their kids.
The Cell (2001) - Anubis watches Jennifer Lopez do what she does best: suck and suck hard. All wrapped up in a psychadelic burrito? Well, that kinda makes up for it...
The Cellar (1990) - Ragnarok tempts the fury of the Commanche Hellbeast as he reviews this flick from Kevin Tenney: the guy responsible for Night of the Demons and Pinocchio's Revenge... could go either way.
Cemetery Gates (2006) - Nix brings us another example of the old "how the mighty have fallen" adage when Reggie Bannister shares the screen with a mutant Tasmanian Devil... betcha just thought they were found in Warner Bros. cartoons didn't ya?
Cheerleader Camp (1987) - Millionaire Waltz goes away to the summer camp that all the popular kids (and the people who like to violently murder them) go to: Cheerleader Camp! Can the bubbleheaded co-eds figure out who it is that trying to kill them all before he or she can, well, kill them all?!
Cheerleader Ninjas (2002) - Anubis watches the clique wars get dangerous when cheerleaders, bad girls and geeks get embroiled in a plot to subvert the web and turn the world into ZOMBIE SLAVES OF THE INTERNET!
Children of Men (2006) - Anubis travels to yet another dystopian future, this time to 2027 Great Britain with Clive Owen, Michael Caine and Julianna Moore as his partners in the face of global political strife and a mysterious human deformity...
Chillers (1987) - Nix puts up with yet another needless anthology movie, this time suffering through the pointless randomness of five senseless tales straight from the bad movie toilet.
C.H.U.D. (1984) - Ragnarok goes hunting in the NYC sewers for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers... who are really just hobos mutated by radioactive government waste.
Cigarette Burns (2005) - Ragnarok embraces the dark side of video nasties with this John Carpenter submission for the first season of Showtime's "Masters of Horror" series as rare film collector Udo Kier hires a down-on-his-luck movie fan to track down a Biblical snuff film.
The Condemned (2007) - Anubis finds out what happens when you put two professional wrestlers, an ex soccer hooligan, and a cast of nobodies on an island together and tell them to kill each other. It's a recipe for wackiness!
Corn (2004) - Ragnarok finds a creepy incest environmentalist movie in Food of the Gods clothing when scietifically tampered corn leads to FDA nightmares.
Cracked Out Super Heroes (2007) - Anubis teams up with the Cracked Out Super Heroes to fight eco-terrorists by... uhm... whoring around in a nightclub and spraying down Lloyd Kaufman with tit milk? Right.
Crank (2006) - Anubis witnesses Jason Statham crashing cars and kicking ass during the last hours of his life when he's infected with a synthetic death drug. What do you do when you've only got one hour to live? You fuck as much shit up as you can before you go!
Creature From Black Lake (1976) - Ragnarok heads down South to seek the elusive Sasquatch of Black Lake in just one of a hundred Boggy Creek knock-offs born of the '70s.
Creep (2004) - Ragnarok continues his strangle hold on the letter 'C' with this C.H.U.D. clone from the UK. Avoid any and all mutant albinos when on the subways kids.
The Crow (1994) - Anubis reviews the movie that killed Brandon Lee, but also gave birth to a series of mediocre comic book movies about undead vigilante mimes that gave a generation of Hot Topic customers something to live for...
The Crow: City of Angels (1996) - Anubis watches this sequel that takes place a decade after the first and sees the return of NONE of the original's cast as a new victim of violent crime returns from the grave to kill the bad guys who put him there.
The Crow: Salvation (2000) - Anubis kills yet another bird with his stone, as yet another wrongful death leads to fatal retribution, this time thanks to a guy with an axe to grind against Fred Ward and the corrupt cops who framed him for his girlfriend's death.
Cruel Jaws (1995) - Anubis wrestles man-eating stock footage of a killer shark when a small beach community becomes the buffet for a hungry tiger shark. Can a nerd, a crippled girl, the town sheriff, and a Viking guy who looks like Hulk Hogan's weaker brother hope to stop the monster?!
Cthulhu Mansion (1990) - Ragnarok finds great disappointment at the hands of the director/writer who brought us Pieces when he brings us this haunted house flick with a deceptive title... i.e. it has nothing to do with the elderest of Elder Gods!
Dagon (2001) - Anubis loves him a good H.P. Lovecraft movie, but he loves him a good Lovecraft movie even more when it's in capable hands! Probably the only hands to truly fit into this catagory (those of Stuart Gordon and Dennis Paoli) put their magic touch to two of Uncle Howie's wackiest fish tales in Dagon.
Dagon (2001) - Ragnarok goes fishing off the coast of Spain for the biggest catch of all: the Elder God Dagon! And he'll run through a lot of fish mutants and squid babies to get there...
Darkness Falls (2003) - Nix faces down the evil mutated version of the Tooth Fairy with nothing more than a bag full of personal resolve!... and a pocketful of disdain.
Dark Tower (1987) - Ragnarok joins forces with Michael Moriarty to save a corporate exec from the vengeful spirit of her murdered husband... who's possessed her office building!
Dawn of the Dead (1979) - Anubis heads to the Monroeville Mall to kill dead people with Ken Foree and Tom Savini in the George Romero classic!... that WAY too many people read too much into.
Dead Alive (1992) - Ragnarok and Peter Jackson strap lawnmowers to their chests and cut down a swarm of rabid mutant zombies in the ultimate splatter-fest and possibly the greatest movie ever to come out of New Zealand.
Death Curse of Tartu (1966) - Ragnarok heads to the everglades to party with some canoodling teens whose burning loins awaken a shapeshifting zombie shaman with a taste for canoodling teens!... Canoodle!
Death Machine (1995) - Nix fights giant corporate killer robots from the future when a disgruntled Brad Dourif unleashes his psycho-death-bot on those who would try go get him fired from his cushy job!... uhm, from the future!
Death Note (2006) - Anubis heads across the pond for one of last biggest yen earners when he reviews this import copy of the live-action movie based on the popular Japanese comic of the same name. What happens when a teenage kid gets his hands on absolute power? Well, why not read the review and find out!?
Death Ship (1980) - Ragnarok sinks this haunted Nazi crap ship that stars George Kennedy at the helm!
Deep Space (1987) - Ragnarok falls into Fred Olen Ray's trap when he watches a crappy retread of the crapmeister's Biohazard crapsterpiece. Crap.
Demonic Toys (1992) - Anubis remembers the fonder times of Charles Band's "career" as he embraces the sharp-toothed, gun toting, laser blasting love of yet another killer toys movie.
Demonicus (2001) - Fistula suffers a pain worse than being impaled on the swords of a hundred zombie gladiators when idiot backpackers in the Italian Alps awaken the soul of an unhappy gladiator... who stole Evil Ash's helmet.
Deranged (1974) - Fistula confronts real life killers in this slasher adaptation of the life and times of Ed Gein that just so happened to be released the same year as a more popular Gein influenced tale...
The Descent (2005) - Anubis goes spelunking with an all woman cast as a group of friends jump into a big hole and fight Bat Boy's trailer trash relatives.
Deep Blue Sea (1999) - Nix gives us a few thoughts on his favorite bastard son to Jaws. Oh, and probably the most useful piece of advice anyone will ever need.
The Devil's Cabaret (1930) - Anubis goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAY back in history to dig up this musical comedy short that follows Satan's number one recruiter Mr. Burns as he tries to drum up some more business for the Lake of Fire.
The Devil's Nightmare (1971) - Anubis goes on holiday in Germany with a tour bus full of souls for Satan's pallet pleasure as seven sinners are killed off for enjoying life a little too much.
Devil's Rain (1975) - Fistula fires off a few rounds at this flick about evil cultists and the revenge one person seeks on them. Featuring William Shatner, Ernest Borgnine and... John Travolta?! Yikes.
The Devil's Rejects (2005) - Nix Eclipse checks out Rob Zombie's sequel to his much maligned House of 1000 Corpses as Captain Spaulding, Otis and Baby are back to lay siege to sanity and good taste.
Doctor Strange (2007) - Ragnarok checks out the animated adaptation of the adventures of the comic book world's greatest mystic when Stephen Strange learns that when the doctor is "in", it mean "in a lot of dangerous demonic shit"!
Don't Go in the Woods... Alone! (1982) - Ragnarok goes camping with a serial killer in a Utah born backwoods '80s slasher, thrust upon him by the deviant NutJob in an effor to make Ragnarok's summer a painful one.
Don't Panic (1989) - Millionaire Waltz joins the Tomb with her introductory review for a Dirty Sanchez of a movie that follows the tried and failed formula of teens screwing around with an evil Ouija Board. Parker Brothers: bringing you gateways to Hell since 1966.
Doom (2005) - Nix Eclipse is pleasantly surprised to see Karl Urban and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fight Martian mutants on, well, Mars. Based (kinda) on the game o' the same name.
Doom House (2005) - Nix takes a trip to a real estate nightmare in this original short from the fine folks at somethingawful.com about a less-than-capable guy whose new home is haunted by a creepy doll.
Dracula (1931) - Anubis goes old fashioned and classy with a review for the Bela Lugosi classic from Universal Pictures. It's a classic for a reason kids.
Drive-In Massacre (1976) - Ragnarok fights the evils of boredom and the perils of utter crap movie making to bring to you this tale of a drive-in slasher... and a whole lot of pointless nothing.
Dr. No (1962) - Anubis heads down to Jamaica with the immortal James Bond in 007's first cinematic outing and the first time an out of work bodyguard named Sean Connery would test out his acting chops. Just be sure to look out for the Canadian guy pretending he's Chinese...
Dungeons & Dragons (2000) - Anubis puts on his helm of devestation and his boxer shorts of unwashed evil in his quest to put a +5 hurting on the Hollywood conceived curse to geekdom's longest running pass time.
Dust Devil: the Final Cut (1992/2006) - Nix reaches movie-lover orgasm when a 14 year wait for the director's cut of Dust Devil finally sees the light of day! An African myth comes to life when a shapeshifting demon decides to start hitchhiking across the country. As you can imagine, the plans he has for those stupid enough to give him a ride aren't very pleasant...
Earth Vs. the Spider (2001) - Ragnarok suffers yet another "in name only" type remake in this made-for-Showtime original from trash master Samuel Arkoff and FX guru Stan Winston about a loser security guard who discovers the downside of trying to rip-off Spider-Man.
Eating Raoul (1982) - Anubis finds himself unamused when it comes to this '80s cannibal swinger comedy that Joe Bob Briggs refers to as one of his favorite flesh-eater flicks.
The Eerie Midnight Horror Show (1974) - Anubis witnesses yet another Exorcist poseur from Italy, this one with a ridiculous title, some crazy visuals, chicks getting whipped with thorny rose stems and one very horny statue.
The Embalmer (1965) - Anubis hits the early days of the Giallo scene with this early Italian murder "mystery" about a newspaper reporter-slash-tourist guide-slash-vigilante who's trying to stop a scuba gear wearing serial killer who stalks the women of Venice... and turns them into life-sized Barbies.
Eragon (2006) - Anubis goes to the movies with his fiancee to see the big screen adaptation of a fantasy book series about a boy and his dragon. Does it turn him into a believer or just another skeptic?
Escape From Hellhole (1983) - Ragnarok plays warden to an Indonesian prison full of women on their way to the ol' sex slave marketplace. Of course there's always gotta be one girl who has to start trouble and rock the boat, so he'll have to keep an eye on her...
Escape From L.A. (1996) - Nix follows muy macho action hero guy Snake Plissken as he's forced to raid the island prison of Los Angeles to stop a new bad guy from shutting down the Earth's electrical systems!
The Eternal (1998) - Ragnarok witnesses couples counseling bad movie style when an alcoholic husband and wife travel to Ireland to test the bonds of their love against a shapeshifting druid witch mummy thing...
Evil Bong (2006) - Anubis came for Tommy Chong and the cameos by Tim Thomerson, Phil Fondacaro and Bill Moseley, but he stayed to ridicule a Full Moon throw away about a soul stealing bong... and cuz he didn't have anything else to do today.
Evil Breed: the Legend of Samhain (2003) - NutJob travels to Ireland with a stable of disposable twenty-something fodder to wine and dine with incest cannibal Druids!
The Evil Dead (1981) - Anubis opens the books on one of horrordom's greatest trilogies when he follows five friends through the worst night of their (soon to be over) lives. Stay away from secluded cabins and horny trees kids...
Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987) - Anubis reviews one of horror's modern classics as Ash's night of doom and gloom saunters on. He won't let it get him down though, because he's got a chainsaw hand to see him through the hard times! Groovy.
Evil Dead: the Musical (2006) - Anubis witnesses the funniest, most creative off-broadway horror-comedy show since "Master Sardu's White Girl Torture Revue"! Based mostly on the first two movies (and a little on Army of Darkness in the finale), this is a song-and-dance, blood-and-gore, chainsaws-and-severed-limbs romp that kicks the collective asses of Cats and Les Miserables!
Evil Laugh (1988) - Nix witnesses a train wreck of '80s slasher cinema when Scott Baio's brother Steve shows us his Evil Laugh... and pees on people.
Exorcism: the Possession of Gale Bowers (2006) - Fistula pisses holy water all over this third rate Exorcist rip-off that lives up to the "movies based on 'true stories' invariably eat shit and are about as true as Lindsey Lohan's chest ornaments" creedo.
The Exorcist (1973) - Anubis remembers a time before Linda Blair became an irredeemable cunt as she vomits pea soup and fucks Christ!
The Exterminator (1980) - Anubis tags along with a shell-shocked 'Nam vet when he goes all vigilante following a friend's murder.
Exterminator 2 (1984) - Anubis gets what he wished for when the Exterminator returns and puts that flamethrower of his to good use: against Mario Van Peebles!
Fantastic Four (1994) - Nix Eclipse braves cosmic rays, Dr. Doom and Roger Corman himself to sucker punch this unreleased '90s sleeper that could very well have ruined any and all hope for comic book based movies had it been allowed into the mainstream!
Fearless Hyena (1979) - Anubis is pleasantly surprised when he witnesses the directorial debut of Jackie Chan and the Chanmonster also stars in this tale of a lazy, no account young man who learns a hard lesson and gets stabbed repeatedly by an old guy's fingers.
Feast (2005) - Anubis reviews the by-product of "Project Greenlight"'s third and final season, as Clu Gulager's son conveys the tale of a group of strangers stuck in a bar fight off a family of man-eating sex monsters!
Feed (2005) - Ragnarok reviews the exploits of a "plays by his own rules" Interpol agent who treks to the US to stumble through a 90-minute homage to the "Gluttony" sequence in Seven. Fat chicks, internet gambling and completely unlikable characters? How can you go wrong?!
Female Plasma Suckers (1972) - Ragnarok does a little real estate shopping and finds an evil house populated by psychic witches... or something. Beware the Farting Cat Woman!
Fido (2006) - Anubis finally gets what he's been waiting for when the "boy & his zombie" reaches his talons. Think of it as Lassie meets Night of the Living Dead. (Manson) Family fun for everyone!
Fiend Without a Face (1958) - Anubis hits up the standard '50s b-movie formula. Macho army guy hero? Check. Sexy dame love interest? Check. Mad scientist? Check. Invisible brain monsters that feed on radiation? You better believe it!
Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals - Volume 1 (1994) - Anubis sees one of the earlier (earliest?) adaptations of the RPG franchise in action. Didja like "Final Fantasy V"? Then you're probably the only one who will know what's going on here...
Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals - Volume 2 (1994) - Anubis continues on with part 2 of our tale, featuring more spunky heroes with giant swords, chicks with glowing asses, guys with celery stalks growing out of their sinus cavities and fat leather dykes. Something for everybody here folks.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2005) - Anubis orders yet another dish from the "style over substance" menu and fails to learn his lesson yet again in this animated sequel to the 1997 video game hit.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001) - Anubis proves that pretty pictures ain't shit without a good story to back them up. Alec Baldwin, Ming-Na, Ving Rhames, Donald Sutherland, Steve Buscemi and others lend their voices to this Final Fantasy tale... that has nothing to do with any of the games... right.
Fist of Power (1987) - Ragnarok journeys to the land of pasta and other Italian stereotypes to go mano-a-mano with yet another terribly executed rip-off of US cinema. If only someone would have told them that The Karate Kid sucked bad enough in the first place, maybe they wouldn't have gone through all the effort to make it even worse!
Flash Gordon (1980) - Anubis gets into a midnight matinée mood when NY Jets quarterback Flash Gordon dives headfirst into a world of neon lights, swirling colors and flashy costumes... IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!
The Fog (1980) - Anubis heads into the mist with Tom Atkins, Jamie-Lee Curtis and Adrienne Barbeau for John Carpenter's Halloween follow up about phantom leper pirate zombie ghosts.
The Fog (2005) - Anubis heads back to Antonio Bay to duel undead leper ghosts with the guy from "Smallville" and the chick from Hellboy in the update of the less-than-stellar John Carpenter movie of the same name.
The Food of the Gods (1976) - Anubis goes for a relaxing weekend in the boonies and instead winds up fending off giant rats, colossal wasps and a monstrous rubber cock in one of the staples of the "nature gone mad" genre.
Forest (1994) - Nix Eclipse bares his soul to us in this short music-video-of-sorts he made for film school many years ago. Odd, interesting and featuring shadow puppety goodness. It's not often a director gets to critique his own work, so see it now!
Forest (1994) - Anubis (with an assist from Beena and NutJob) tackles Nix's student short film music video thingy in the first instance of one (or rather three) Tomb reviewer(s) critiquing another reviewer's work!
Forever Evil (1987) - Nix fights off an evil real estate agent and a variety of "budget friendly" menaces as unsuspecting friends are attacked by sinister forces in the middle of nowhere. The bad movie created by infamous bad movie critic Freeman "Dr. Freex" Williams!
Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965) - Ragnarok gets the Pay-Per-View event of 1965 when the irradiated heart of the Frankenstein Monster travels to Japan and regenerates itself into a colossal titan of misshapen terror to go mano-a-claw with the burrowing prehistoric lizard-badger thing known as Baragon!
Freaked (1993) - Nix bathes in the monstrous special effects make-up wonder and glory of this cult classic freak show flick starring Alex "Bill & Ted" Winter and a posse of b-list cameos. Fun for everybody!
Freak Out (2004) - Nix learns that it doesn't take more than $10 and some bad movie humor to make a beautiful movie when he witnesses this super-independent story about two morons trying to train a vegetarian mental patient how to be a slasher.
Freddy's Tricks and Treats (1988) - Anubis suffers through the miserable HBO "Freddy's Nightmares" series with this Halloween themed episode that follows a young Mariska Hargitay as a nerdy college student with an imaginary friend and, you guessed it, gets a visit from a certain fedora wearing boogeyman.
Freddy Vs. Jason (2003) - Dodging Grunge gets front row seats for the commercialized horror movie battle of the century when Elm Street dream slasher Freddy Krueger clashes with super zombie summer camp stalker Jason Voorhees in a slash and smash contest of champions 10 years in the making.
Friday the 13th (1980) - Fistula begins the first of many steps in his clinic of quickies on why F13 is his favorite slasher series.
Friday the 13th (1980) - Anubis takes a stab at the opening ceremonies of the Vorhees family legacy.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) - Fistula continues on the F13 twelve step program with step #2: the coming of Jason!
Friday the 13th Part 3-D (1982) - Fistula's F13 crusade goes on as Jason gets his famous hockey mask and we get a lot of shit thrown at us in the most three-dimensional-tastic installment of the series!
Friday the 13th: the Final Chapter (1984) - Fistula's F13 marathon picks up once again with the final (riiiiiight) chapter in the murderous life of Jason Vorhees as the big guy faces his deadliest foe yet: Corey Feldman!
From Russia With Love (1963) - Anubis and Sean Connery fight a Russian juggernaut and the forces of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. in Istanbul while trying to bang a hot Russian defector and a pair of gypsy babes.
F3: Frantic, Frustrated & Female (1994) - Anubis takes a "hands on" approach to hentai with the first of a trilogy centering around a young woman who seeks the mythical ancient treasure known as the female orgasm.
F3 Part II (1995) - Anubis continues along with young Hiroe on her journey to reach sexual satisfaction. In this episode, she becomes the slave of domineering lesbians!... and there's a lot of confusion of how our heroine relates to some of the characters.
F3 Part III: Night of the Living F3 (1996) - Anubis watches Hiroe's story come to an end. But, will it end in self-indulging pleasure, or just a lot of awkward sex with a haunted blow-up doll?
Future War (1997) - Fistula tackles thumbless cyborgs from the future, their pet dinosaurs and their kickboxing fugitive slaves in one of the greatest movies ever to feature Robert Z'Dar...
Galaxy Invader (1985) - Ragnarok plays witness to an exchange of ideas (and buckshot) between great minds when a rubber alien gets stranded in the Heartland in this hillbilly movie that couldn't even afford the proverbial shoestring. Hey, at least they don't show him the Ned Beatty treatment... or do they?!
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995) - Ragnarok watches Daiei pull a Toho when they ressurect their classic '70s giant reptile for a '90s revamp. Collect all three!
The Gate (1987) - Nix relives happier days when he watches tiny Stephen Dorff dabble in the demonic medium of rock 'n' roll!
Ghost Rider (2007) - Anubis sits through yet another comic book-to-film adaptation, this time for a b-grade Marvel Comics hero whose gimmick is that he's a flaming skeleton biker bounty hunter for Satan... take that as you will.
Giant Spider Invasion (1975) - Anubis faces down his kinda-but-not-really nemesis Bill Rebane as he watches Alan Hale act with his tongue in this Packers lovin' cheeseball festival of, well, just look at the title. It pretty much explains it all.
The Gift (2000) - Anubis finds out what it's like when Sam Raimi isn't making movies about demonically possessed college kids or spandex wearing arachnid guys. It's psychic mystery and physical abuse down on the bayou.
The Girl Next Door (2007) - Ragnarok reviews a violent exploitation movie that was made 30 years too late in this tragic tale of a downtrodden teen and the nightmare she experiences at the hands of a crazy woman and her family of perverts. Based on a true story!
The Glove (1979) - Ragnarok goes bounty hunting for Rosey Grier with John Saxon when the big man starts beating prison guards to death with the not-so-threatening riot glove of doom.
The Glove (1979) - Anubis discos through the '70s with John Saxon as he hunts the deadliest bounty: Rosey Grier armed with riot gear. He just calls it his "Grier Gear", it's easier that way.
Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) - Nix gushes over this kaiju orgy that marks the fatal finale for the Big G's time on Earth. Brought to you by Toho, Ryuhei "Versus" Kitamura and the number 7!
Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) - It's a battle royale of Destroy All Monsters proportions when Anubis reviews a bootleg of the last Godzilla movie. Warning: review written prior to there being a translated version of the movie available and is only an account of what Anubis presumed was going on...
Godzilla Vs. the Sea Monster (1966) - Dodging Grunge introduces himself to the Tomb with his take on the big lizard's classically bad tropical vacation as he plays volleyball with a giant lobster and squashes a terrorist bomb factory! Special guest appearance by Mothra.
Goldfinger (1964) - Anubis jumps into the first really good Bond movie, as 007 matches wits with gambling super-villain Auric Goldfinger and his hat-throwing henchman Obbjob, and matches sexual organs with Miss Pussy Galore!
The Gore Gore Girls (1972) - Fistula says goodbye to HG Lewis as the Gorefather goes into cinematic seclusion following this bloodsoaked murder mystery about a killer who sets their eyes on none-too-attractive local strippers.
The Gore Gore Girls (1972) - Fistula had a date with gore-meister H.G. Lewis to kill some of cinema's ugliest exotic dancers, so he won't be joining us tonight. Instead, let us read his review for The Gore Gore Girls.
The Gorgon (1964) - Ragnarok unearths one of the oft overlooked gems of the Hammer House o' Horrors when the legendary snake-haired ghouls of lore meet Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing!
Graveyard Shift (1987) - Not to be confused with the Stephen King movie about the giant man-eating rat monster, Anubis watches a pretty weak movie about a vampire cab driver.
The Great Yokai War (2006) - Anubis witnesses the first "kids movie" from Japanese lunatic Takashi Miike as a boy and his phantom associates fight an evil guy who only wears one glove and his army of world destroying killer robot monsters.
The Green River Killer (2005) - Fistula tortures himself with yet another sub-standard "based on a true story" serial killer movie, this time based on the serial prostitute strangler Gary Ridgway a.k.a. The Green River Killer... as if you couldn't figure that part out yourself.
The Greenskeeper (2002) - Fistula takes one for the team when he sticks bamboo chutes under his fingernails... well, he sits through John Rocker and Kip Winger in The Greenskeeper, which is almost as painful.
Grim (1995) - Anubis gets hassled by a subterannean Rawhead Rex knock-off in this bottom-of-the-barrel monster movie from the scum slurping puss bags at A-Pix.
The Grim Reaper (1980) - Anubis shakes hands with a flaming machine gun of disappointment when he finds out just how "not all it's cracked up to be" this infamous Joe D'Amato video nasty really is. Stranded friends are chased by a crazed cannibal. You'd think that'd be enough...
Grindhouse (2007) - Two semi-indy, semi-Hollywood directors team up to bring the world a double feature proudly displaying their love for the gritty exploitation flicks of the sleazy '70s! Two movies broken up into two reviews:
Planet Terror - Anubis follows Robert Rodriguez into a world where Bruce Willis turns everybody into zombies and Rose McGowan has her right leg replaced with a machine gun. Zombies, gore and explosions ahoy!
Death Proof - Anubis rides shotgun with Quentin Tarantino as crazy old Kurt Russell tries to run down strong and sexy female characters in his unkillable stuntman mobile!
Grizzly (1976) - Anubis discovers Jaws in a national park forest! Nah, just kidding. Though it may be a Jaws clone, this flick most assuredly centers around a giant bear, not a giant shark.
The Gruesome Twosome (1967) - Fistula sits back and enjoys a little relaxation time with goremeister H.G. Lewis as a mother and son work to keep their wig store well stocked with wigs made of real hair... donated by less than willing colleg co-eds!
Guinea Pig 2: Flowers of Flesh and Blood (1985) - Millionaire Waltz heads to the land of wind and ghosts to expose herself to the supposed snuff film that got Charlie Sheen's panties in a bunch! Is a demented samurai really dissecting a living, breathing woman, or is it really just a movie?... don't be stupid, just read the review.
Guinea Pig 3: He Never Dies (1986) - Millionaire Waltz draws her sword on another entry in the infamous Japanese "Guinea Pig" series! This time a depressive Joe Schmoe type learns that he can neither die nor feel pain and uses his powers for personal amusement.
Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid In a Manhole (1988) - Millionaire Waltz wades through the gore and bile for this fourth installment in the infamous Japanese "Guinea Pig" series that finds an artist looking for inspiration in the sewers instead finding a new, cheaper alternative for acrylic paint...
Halloween (1978) - Anubis loses popularity as he whips out a quicky on the birth of Michael Myers.
Halloween (2007) - Nix nukes Rob Zombie's remake of the John Carpenter slasher granddaddy as Michael Myers gets a bad childhood and a psychological disorder to explain his love of murder and mayhem.
Halloween (2007) - Guest reviewer Quill joins his partner-in-crime Nix in the utter decimation of Rob Zombie's career when the horror rock monster mistakenly molests a holy grail of horror.
Halloween (2007) - Anubis checks out the Rob Zombie remake of the so-called horror classic when Michael Myers gets an origin and everybody else gets really, really annoying.
Halloween (workprint) (2007) - Anubis proves that you really can beat a dead horse when he goes to the well once again, this time reviewing the workprint of Rob Zombie's 2007 slasher remake.
Halloween 2 (1981) - Anubis bucks convention once again by throwing some favor toward "More of 'the Night He Came Home'".
Happy Effing Halloween (2007) - NutJob reviews her friends' indy horror short gross-out comedy about a slasher crashing a Halloween party. The entire short is available to view at the end of the review, so go watch!
Happy Hell Night (1994) - It's a carnival of love and carnage when Ragnarok shakes hands with a frat boy killing devil preacher! Great minds kill alike...
Hannibal (2001) - Anubis witnesses another use of the "if you're afraid you can't live up to the original, then go for something completely different" method as Ridley Scott (ironically enough) brings us a different take on the notorious Dr. Lecter.
Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace (2004) - Anubis joins secret agent Spanish Fly on his third death defying mission against a radioactive cyborg sasquatch and *gasp* his evil brother: Fuzzy Knuckles! Now, if only it weren't so damn long...
Harry Knuckles and the Treasure of the Aztec Mummy (1999) - Anubis watches Harry Knuckles and his bloated partner El Santo team-up to battle the evil undead forces of an ancient Aztec mummy and a suspenders wearing corporate powerhouse!
Hatchet (2006) - Anubis wrassles an inbred maniac serial killer in the Louisiana swamps with a group of New Orleans tourists who all die in painful, violent fashion.
Hellboy: Sword of Storms (2006) - Anubis witnesses the first attempt at bringing Mike Mignola's cult favorite spook hunter to animated form as Hellboy heads to Japan to fight two weather controlling demons and a world of Japanese mythology.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005) - Nix Eclipse is strapped down by Fistula and forced to watch one of the Hellraiser franchise's worst entries when Lance Henriksen kills sexy teens with a little help from Pinhead and a video game...
Hellraiser Quadruple Feature (2000-2005) - Fistula fights on as he wages battle with all four direct-to-video Hellraiser sequels at once! Inferno? Check. Hellseeker? Check. Deader and Hellworld? Double Check. Bring on the pain children.
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) - Fistula embraces the dark side in this semi-realistic telling of the life and crimes of infamous pervo serial killer Henry Lee Lucas and the equally disturbing supporting characters in his fucked up life.
Hercules (1983) - Ragnarok gets another taste of Italy when he pours over volumes of forgotten lore with Lou Ferrigno, who takes the legend of Hercules into new territories... Biblical and robotic territories!
Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964) - Anubis travels back to ancient Greece to do Ambrosia shots with the half-human son of Zeus as he works on turning a race of stone golems from the Moon (and their throbbing cabbage) into Fruity Pebbles before they can destory the planet!
Hercules In New York (1970) - Anubis recoils in pain at this celluloid premiere that, as a man of political influence now, no one can quite understand why Arnie hasn't made ownership and sale of this movie a terrorist offense yet.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006) - Nix Eclipse tastes flesh with a pre-release review of the new update of Wes Craven's classic family values tale of hungry atomic cannibals and the most unfortunate family of travelers this side of the Griswolds!
The Hills Have Eyes (2006) - Anubis checks out the 2006 remake of the 1977 classic, sadly lacking Michael Berryman but well stocked in Alexandre Aja, mutant miners and excessive blood and gore! Hooray for violence!
The H-Man (1958) - Anubis goes hunting with the folks at Toho as they search for a mutant slime monster called the H-Man who torments Tokyo with his snot-like consistency and the ability to dissolve people while leaving behind their clothes, clean as new and smelling like a meadow on a spring afternoon!
The Hobbit (1977) - Anubis relives the tale of Bilbo Baggins and his big adventure... sorely lacking the auditory opus that is the Leonard Nemoy song.
Hollow Man (2000) - Anubis smells pork product in the air as Kevin Bacon and Elisabeth Shue star in an "updating" of the see-through man concept... and by "updating", I mean that the guy's a remorseless, selfish dickface.
Hood of the Living Dead (2005) - Nix and NutJob join forces to double team this miserable direct-to-video feature that tries to blend the semi-popular response to Leprechaun In Tha' Hood with the always amusing genre of flesh eating zombie plagues... and fucks it up entirely.
Horrors of War (2006) - Anubis heads back in time to Nazi controlled France to fight werewolves and zombies with the Allied forces in a movie that shouldn't have sucked nearly as bad as it did.
The Host (2006) - Beena introduces herself to the Tomb with a very happy experience, reviewing the South Korean giant monster comedy-horror-scifi flick that's found it's way into the hearts of many.
Hostel (2005) - Nix proves there's no such thing as diplomatic immunity in Eli Roth's already infamous tale of some guys just looking for a good time... and getting the exact opposite.
Hot Fuzz (2007) - Anubis rejoins the creators and stars of Shaun of the Dead for their take on the action movie genre as Simon Pegg and Nick Frost team up to take down... Timothy Dalton?!
House of the Dead (2003) - Based on a shooting game that wasn't exactly rich in plot to begin with, the diabolical emissary of cinemassochism known as Uwe Boll projectile vomits his dead mother's feces all over Anubis in the form of this soul raping tripe about a group of idiot twenty-somethings partying on an island swarming with undead Conquistadores.
House of Wax (2005) - Nix lives out the dream of watching Paris Hilton die! Unfortunately for him though, he also sat through the rest of the movie too...
The House That Vanished (1973) - Ragnarok suffers through possibly the most abysmally reviewed movie from the Brotherhood's old days and witnesses the dreaded, mind melting terror of... old lady nudity! *BARF*
The 'Human' Factor (1975) - Ragnarok snores through 90 minutes of George Kennedy sucking wind as he hunts down his family's terrorist killer. The VHS tape itself doesn't quite make it out of this review alive...
Humanoids From the Deep (1996) - Anubis fends off mutant salmon death row convicts looking to impregnate unwilling brides alongside a guy who takes his fashion tips from a certain Texas Ranger and a kid who wishes he was Chris O'Donnell. If you thought Roger Corman movies were bad, discover how bad a remake of a Roger Corman movie is...
I Am Legend (2007) - Anubis is less than impressed with Will Smith's big box office adaptation of the book of the same name. The fourth time is apparently not the charm, as bad cgi effects (and bad acting) doom the title to mediocrity.
I Am Omega (2007) - Anubis heads back into the Asylum (Pictures) once again for this direct-to-DVD Mark Dacascos crapfest that just barely eeks out I Am Legend for the distinction of being the 3rd (and worst) attempt at someone adapting Richard Matheson's book into a movie.
Ice Spiders (2007) - Anubis takes to the sprawling frozen alps of Utah to fight government sponsored mutant steroid case arachnids with the help of three shlubs from "Melrose Place" and a lot of fuck awful cgi...
Ichi the Killer: Episode 0 (2002) - Anubis introduces fans of the infamous Takeshi Miike movie to this animated prequel that shows us just how Ichi came about his deadly moniker. Not as good as the live-action movie, but still worth a look by fans. Featuring the voice of Takeshi Miike even!
Idiocracy (2006) - Anubis finds out if Mike Judge can mix his usual social commentary style of humor with a "Futurama" setting when a mild mannered army man (Luke Wilson) winds up in a future full of morons.
Idle Hands (1999) - Anubis does bong hits with Seth Green, Devon Sawa and Jessica Alba in this Hollywood knock-off of Evil Dead II and Demonoid that finds a typical high school slacker's life improved when Satan takes control of his right hand and supernatural hijinx ensue.
The Incredibly Strange Ceatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1973) - Ragnarok heads to the carnival and takes in the sideshow as a man-hating gypsy hypnotizes beatniks and turns them into acid scarred monsters just itching to go on a rampage. It's all a sad attempt to make a movie out of "Steppenwolf"...
Infernal Affairs (2002) - Anubis reviews the Hong Kong crime suspense flick that The Departed is based on... only with more action, better pacing and a much tighter script.
Infra Man (1975) - Ragnarok embraces the magical wonders of childhood when he let's a second-rate Ultraman into his heart to do battle with grown men in monster costumes, using little more than his half-assed Judo and... THUNDERBALL FISTS!
Interview with the Vampire: the Vampire Chronicles (1994) - Anubis sits through the pissiest, moaniest, whiniest bloodsuckers in the history of bloodsuckers when Tom Cruise turns Brad Pitt and Kirsten Dunst into vampires and everybody gets all menstrual.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) - Ragnarok goes Bolling (harhar) with the German crap factory's umpteenth attempt at ruining video game movies worse than the Super Mario Bros. movie. Featuring a semi-legitimate cast doing completely illegitimate things.
In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro (1986) - Anubis watches what happens when John Rhys-Davies and Timothy Bottoms get between some thirsty baboons and their only source of liquid refreshment during a drought. Based on a true story!... kinda.
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973) - Ragnarok is seduced by the mutant bee girls who mate before they KILL! Science gone wrong because a lonely scientist just wanted to make some working Spanish Fly...
The Invisible Dead (1971) - Ragnarok visits the castle of the evil Dr. Orloff and witnesses the villainous mad scientist's experiments with invisible rapist vampire monkey humanoids! not nearly as fun as it sounds...
The Iron Warrior (1987) - Ragnarok tackles the third (and considered by many to be the final) installment of the mighty Italian swords and sandals series of Ator movies. In this installment, Ator helps a kidnapped princess fight an evil sorceress and his own brainwashed killer twin brother!
Island of Death (1975) - Ragnarok heads to the Island of Death for a vacation full of murder and mutilation in lovely Greece with a newlywed couple celebrating a very bloody honeymoon.
Isolation (2005) - Ragnarok travels across the pond to be freaked out by bloodthirsty Irish cow worm mutants in a surprisingly good (and not surprisingly disturbing) monster movie from the crap weather capital of the world.
I Spit on Your Grave (1978) - Fistula pits two of the most infamous revenge flicks of the '70s against each other! Who will win, I Spit on Your Grave or Last House on the Left?! Either way, we all win...
I Spit on Your Grave (1978) - Anubis takes a stab at the revenge subgenre's most infamous entry as four greasy rednecks force themselves on an innocent female writer from New York City and suffer much man pain at her bloodthirsty hands afterwards.
I Was a Teenage Vending Machine (1993) - Nix Eclipse reviews another of his own creations, this time in a short about a guy who turns into a vending machine... for some reason... just read the review.
Jabberwocky (1977) - Ragnarok follows Terry Gilliam and Michael Palin as they break away from the norm to do a non-Monty Python feature. This one's about a hapless would-be barrel maker in the dredges of plague-infested Medieval England and a certain escapee from "Alice's Adventures Through the Looking Glass".
Jack Frost (1996) - Despite past A-Pix outings leaving Anubis with that "WHY DID I POUR BOILING WATER OVER MY GENITALS?!" feeling, he gave Jack Frost a shot anyway. Oddly enough, he's glad he did.
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000) - The big bad snowman is back to kill more hapless extras, only this time things get more complicated and everything falls apart like a 2 month old crusty dog turd. Pity Anubis.
Jaws: the Revenge (1987) - Nix Eclipse wrestles with the not-so-great white in this absurd fourth and final entry in the killer shark series that sees "Bruce" follow his prey to... the fucking Bahamas. Poor, poor Michael Caine.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) - Ragnarok embarks on a Biblical journey of vampires, a fat masked Mexican wrestler and a newer, hipper Christian savior!
Jive Turkey (1974) - Anubis learns what it's like to be that kid on Christmas who gets coal in his stocking when what should have been an entertaining gangster festival of Italian mobsters vs. African-American hoodlums instead plops against the floor like so much rectal smoothie. WORST BLAXPLOITATION MOVIE EVER!
Johnny Mnemonic (1994) - Anubis hangs out with the likes of Udo Kier, Henry Rollins, Takeshi Kitano and Ice Tea as Keanu Reeves runs through the year 2021 and tries to keep his brain from melting.
Jungle Virgin Force (1983) - Ragnarok treks into the Idonesian movie jungles to confront a team of revolting native babes and the tribe of lightning bolt summoning chauvenists against whom they're rebelling! There's some diamond hunters or something in there somewhere too...
Junior (2002) - Fistula reviews what starts off as the potential for a pleasant surprise, only to have it blow up in his face like so much rocketing sewage firing out of an exploding toilet. And here I was hoping the Belgians could make their retarded killer movies as good as their much loved waffles...
Karate Warriors (1974) - Ragnarok stares down Sonny Chiba's crazy kill stare of skull exploding doom as the legendary street fighter returns to beat up drug dealers and a death dealing Samurai!
Kibakichi (2003) - Ragnarok brings us a tale of the far east, as a lupine samurai must save a town of mischief making demons from the flaming right hand of man and his super gatling gun technology! But, are the demons really worth bothering over?
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988) - Anubis trades custard pies with alien invader clowns who come to capture the human race and drink their sugar enriched blood! But, only if our generic heroes can't stop them first...
Killer Tomatoes Eat France (1991) - Anubis goes bushel-to-bushel with the infamous killer fruit comedy series, this time matching wits with the sinister John Astin in the land of cheese and body odor for this, the final Killer Tomatoes flick.
Killjoy (2000) - Anubis suffers stereotyped pain of the face-painted kind when he sits down to agonize through this Charles Band produced abomination that centers around a ghetto ghost clown who likes to kill "suckas" with bad CGI in his haunted warehouse.
Kill Them and Eat Them (2003) - Ragnarok heads to the Great White North to see what kinda of low budget cluster fuck the future's gonna turn out like. Now with 17% more mutants!
King Cobra (1999) - Anubis and Pat Morita team up to do mortal combat with an oversized snake puppet!
Knick Knack Paddy Whack (1999) - Anubis wastes exactly 7 minutes of his life on this public service announcement/student project/horror short film about a homeless lunatic who lures runaway children into his lair of horror in the basement of a city high school.
Komodo Vs. Cobra (2005) - Ragnarok discovers that the only thing better than a movie about a giant man-eating reptile is a movie about TWO giant man-eating reptiles... that fight each other! Wahoo!
Kottontail (2004) - Nix gets "hopping mad" when he forces himself to sit through this pointless (thouh Easter appropriate) no-budget bunny tale or horror and bad writing. Bring your buckshot!
Kung-Fu Kids Break Away (1980) - Anubis witnesses a true rarity in the movie business: a flick centering on child heroes that doesn't suck! Can the kung-fu kids save themselves and their village from an evil crime boss? Maybe with a little help from their new vigilante pal Eagle they can!
The Kung-Fu Rascals (1992) - Anubis follows Steve Wang (also the movie's director and writer) as he and two friends seek lost treasure and fight a pig man and Les Claypool of Primus! Now with 200% more giant fighting stone idols!
Last House on the Left (1972) - Fistula pits two of the most infamous revenge flicks of the '70s against each other! Who will win, I Spit on Your Grave or Last House on the Left?! Either way, we all win...
The Last Man on Earth (1964) - Anubis fights off a planet of flesh hungry zombie vampires alongside Vincent Price in this, the first (and still the best) adaptation of the Richard Matheson end-of-the-world novel, "I Am Legend"!
The Last Slumber Party (1987) - Nix tests the limits of his cinemasochism with this pathetic home video slasher that makes Evil Laugh seem like a fond memory!
Legend of the Chupacabra (2000) - Ragnarok feels that Troma may have actually gotten it right where Blair Witch got it wrong. We defy the box office!
Legend of the Eight Samurai (1983) - Anubis hits up feudal Japan for an epic martial arts fantasy about a princess on the run and the eight warriors of fate drawn to her by 8 glowing marbles to fight the forces of an evil demon queen.
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974) - Anubis heads to Manchester, England to fight the living dead, brought back by experimental pest control methods with a hatred for hippies.
Leviathan (1989) - Nix goes deep sea diving and flounders through an underwater Alien knock-off that, by all rights, shouldn't have sucked nearly as bad as it does...
Little Nicky (2000) - Anubis watches an Adam Sandler movie and actually... reviews the fuck straight out of it's stupid face.
The Little Shop of Horrors (1960) - Ragnarok heads down to the flower shop to pick up the cannibalistic Venus Flytrap he ordered before it can finish eating Jack Nicholson and the rest of the cast from the Roger Corman horror-comedy classic!
Live Feed (2006) - Ragnarok sits through yet another "Tales of Tourist Trap Terrors" movie when a group of dumbass kids go to Japan and wind up being hunted by the Yakuza for sport.
Lord of Illusions (1995) - Anubis watches an evil magic cult leader return from the dead to exact revenge on Famke Janssen and kill off Scott Bakula while he's at it.
The Lord of the Rings (1978) - Anubis watches one of independent animation's most well known and crazy ass directors get his hands on the JRR Tolkien trilogy... well, half of it.
The Lost Boys (1987) - Anubis heads out to the left coast for sand, surf, vampires and possibly the greatest of those legendary '80s "Corey movies"!... and some beefcake with a saxophone.
Lost Souls (2000) - Anubis joins former demonic possession victim Winona Ryder and her pal Elias Koteas as they try to stop the birth of the Anti-Christ... who drives an SUV... somehow I'm not surprised.
M (1931) - Anubis travels way WAY back with Mr. Peabody pre-World War II Germany to hang with Fritz Lang and Peter Lorre for this Golden Age tale based on the exploits of real life German child killers.
Maciste In Hell (1925) - Ragnarok trips through the time warp back to the age of silent cinema for this bad-ass Italian flick about the exploits of Dante's mighty Herculean hero Maciste, who throws the Devil himself out of a window when old pointy-shoes gets on the good guy's nerves!
Mad Max (1979) - Anubis relives one of the high points of his childhood when he heads back to the drive-in for Mel Gibson's apocalyptic debut as the cop who's pushed past his breaking point.
Make Them Die Slowly (1981) - Ragnarok takes a banana boat into dark territory when fugitives get caught up in the day-to-day life of breast impaling, penis chopping, brain munching cannibals!
Maniac (1980) - Fistula tackles the fat sweaty form of Joe Spinell in the William Lustig directed tale of yet another serial killer who targets pretty ladies because his mom beat him or something. See Tom Savini's head get blown off!
Mark of the Devil (1970) - Nix Eclipse sinks his teeth into the infamously brutal carnival of torture, sex and more torture with Tomb fav Udo Kier!
Mark of the Vampire (1935) - NutJob goes for a little classic flavor when she joins genre legend Bela Lugosi for a standard issue romp through an old world vampire tale of overacting and cheap special effects.
Masters of the Universe (1987) - Anubis gets giddy over his childhood hero, He-Man, in this big screen adaptation of the adventures of the strongest man in the universe... as played by Ivan Drago.
Meet the Feebles (1990) - Anubis checks out Peter Jackson's pre-mainstream documentary on the difficulties and back stage antics involved with putting on The Muppet Show. The names and characters have of course been changed though to prevent a lawsuit, but you know what was really going on...
Microwave Massacre (1983) - Ragnarok has a few laughs with the voice of Frosty the Snowman as Jackie Vernon discovers the culinary magic of microwaves and human flesh!
Microwave Massacre (1983) - Ragnarok checks out the movie he liked so nice that he had to review it twice when comedian Jackie Vernon discovers the culinary flexibility of a microwaved wife.
Mirror, Mirror (1990) - Anubis takes a trip through the looking glass for a little high school horror and Heathers style social conflict when a poor man's Lydia Deets finds a dead witch's enchanted mirror.
Mondo Balordo (1964) - Ragnarok wallows through this Boris Karloff narrated "real life freaks" movie from the suck-tastic '60s. Includes a bonus review for the Egyptian drug abuse scare flick, Sinister Menace!
Monster (1979) - Ragnarok heads to the sleepy Colombian village of Chimayo, where unsavory characters stand around their concrete factory until it's time to blow up the local lake monster...
The Monster of Camp Sunshine (1964) - Fistula watches on the edge of his seat when the only thing between a mutated killer and his buxom nudist victims is... the entire US military front?!
Monsters - A lesser known syndicated horror anthology series from the late '80s that grew a cult following before otherwise disappearing into total obscurity.
"The Feverman" (1988) - Anubis takes in the premiere episode of "Monsters" with a tale about a drunken faith-healer and his unique take on pediatric medicine...
Motel Hell (1980) - Anubis goes on vacation and stops at the cozy Motel Hello to take in the local color and enjoy Farmer Vincent's world famous meats! It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent Fritters!
Mr. Boogedy (1986) - Anubis relives a highlight of his formative years with this twisted episode from "The Wonderful World of Disney" that features a perverted old Pilgrim who sold his soul to Satan for a magical cloak, then blew up his own house with a diseased little kind inside! Fun.
The Mummy (1932) - Anubis comes face to wrinkled, dusty, bandaged face with Boris Karloff in the original Universal Pictures silver screen classic... though "classic" is a little much to call it.
Murder Set Pieces (2004) - Ragnarok hits up the Vegas strip for the worst vacation ever as he idles through yet another over-hyped slasher that takes all of it's potential into a little ball and sends it straight down the crapper.
My Bloody Valentine (1981) - Anubis heads to the town of Valentine Bluffs to investigate partying miners and the crazy gas mask wearing killer stalking them in this '80s slash-and-dash.
My Little Eye (2002) - NutJob makes the mistake of picking up a DVD from Wal*Mart that claims to be "The Greatest Fright Flick Since The Exorcist" and consists of nothing more than a lot of cheap reality show slasher crap.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie (1996) - Anubis embraces the big-budget theatrical offspring of the funniest cult classic science fiction TV show about a guy and his robots making fun of movies that you'll ever see!
Nekromantik (1987) - Anubis faces down the new German Threat: sex with dead people! He still can't seem to wash the stink out of his clothes... uggh.
The Neighbor No. 13 (2005) - Anubis witnesses the official down swing of the Asian revenge cinema in this blend of Fight Club and Oldboy.
The Nest (1988) - Ragnarok witnesses the dark side of insect infestation that Joe's Apartment refused to acknowledge (and Mimic seemed to "borrow" from) when Roger Corman's wife brings us a tale of flesh eating cockroach people!
New Dominion Tank Police 1 (1993) - Anubis returns to the city of Dominion to rejoin his pals in the city's elite Tank Police squad!... and just isn't as thrilled with the concept as he once was.
Night Crawlers (1996) - Anubis shows those who called Plan 9 From Outer Space the worst movie ever made what the REAL worst movie ever made actually looks like. It's home video recordings of rubber toys, mutilated paper machet pets and really unappealing people, "touched up" with homemade CGI... cringe.
A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) - Anubis witnesses Wes Craven doing something very right when he brings us the killer who can get your kids where you can't protect 'em...
Night of the Creeps (1986) - Anubis takes a short ride through Happy Land when he rocks along with Tom Atkins through one of the most mind blowing alien zombie ghoul flicks to bear the proud stamp of 1980s tested and approved!
Night of the Dawn of the Day of the Land of the Dead (1968-2005) - Nix sits down for an undead four-way when he reviews all of George Romero's ghoul-a-go-go "Dead" movies in a single effort! See the lengths a man will go to in his need for undead flesh!
Night of the Demon (1980) - Ragnarok tracks down a killer POV cam and a guy in a bad bear costume in this classic video nasty about a group of college kids looking for a "demon" (i.e. Bigfoot) in the remote woods of... wherever.
Night of the Lepus (1972) - Ragnarok joins forces with Deforest Kelley and Rory Calhoun's eyebrows to pace down the cutest little rampage of atomic monsters you ever did see! Never thought of rabbits as a terrifying menace, have you?! Well, you're still safe...
Night of the Living Dead (1968) - Anubis pinches out a quickie for one of the most influential horror movies to come out of Pennsylvania and foregos the usual "social commentary" and "insight" crap that others reviewers like to talk about.
Night Ripper (1986) - Fistula fights off boredom and insanity when Anubis slaps him around with another abominable '80s slasher, this one a shot-on-video craparooni of truly shitty proportions.
Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge 1 (1997) - Anubis travels to an animated world where the classic monsters have trained themselves in the martial arts and beefed up on steroids and boob implants.
Ninja Scroll (1993) - Anubis leaps through the trees to follow along with mercenary ninja Jubei as the young warrior hacks and slashes his way through a small army of freaks and weirdos to find true love.
A Nix "Year In Review" for 2006 - Nix runs through the 2006 releases he had to sit through, elevating the worthy and picking apart the non in 27 quicky little reviews for everything from Feast to Little Miss Sunshine.
Nude For Satan (1974) - Anubis introduces himself to Satan with psychotropic drugs and evil dopplegangers. Trippy man, trippy.
Nudist Colony of the Dead (1991) - Anubis takes his summer vacation early to attend a Bible Camp bloodbath (sans much blood) at the one-time Sunny Buttocks Nudist Colony... of the Dead! It's not a good place to be proselytizing, trust me.
Nukie (1993) - Anubis is violently assaulted by Ragnarok, who subjects the Death God to one of the stupidest E.T. knock-offs to come out of the '90s... even by kid movie standards. A mentally retarded Boglin from outer space teams up with African twin boys and a monkey in a dress to try and save his equally retarded Boglin brother from the clutches of NASA.
Oblivion (1993) - Anubis puts his dislike of westerns behind him to travel to the planet of Oblivion, where cowboys, aliens and d-list celebrities go to live out the rest of their days shooting each other and trying not to get eaten by giant scorpions. Rock you like a hurricane, kids.
Octaman (1971) - Ragnarok snoozes through 80 minutes of this crappy attempt at remaking Creature From the Black Lagoon with, well, an Octopus man... how did they fuck this us?!
Octopus (2000) - Anubis goes hand-to-tentacle with a giant radioactive super-cephalopod that's far more disappointing than any giant octopus movie should be.
The Omega Man (1971) - Anubis sits around and watches Charlton Heston exercise his right to bear arms as he fights to save the human race from mutant druids wearing Blue Blockers™!
The One (2001) - Anubis heads to another dimension with Jet Li, Jason Statham and Delroy Lindo when Li's evil alternate universe counterpart arrives to kill him and steal his power on the road the becoming a god... yeah, I'm confused too.
One Dark Night (1983) - Because you can never have enough movies beginning with the letter 'O', Fistula dances with the devil in the veritable pale moonlight that is this tale of a psychic zombie hasslin' teenage girls.
One Frightened Night (1935) - Anubis travels back in time to the 1930s for a rare excursion into the realm of old fashioned crime mysteries to match wits with an old rich guy, a stage magician, a portly sheriff and somebody in a fucking terrifying mask.
The Other Hell (1980) - Anubis matches wits yet again with the human bad movie Pez dispenser Bruno Mattei, this time as the Italian cinema terrorist sends killer nuns, telekinetic bastard spawn of Satan, and a pair of sinister emergency lights to do us all in! Meh.
The Pack (1977) - Ragnarok heads to a secluded island where Joe Don Baker (Muh-muh-muh-Mitchell!) and some tourists find their pants filled with Milk Bones™ in the midst of a pack of feral dogs!
Panic (1976) - Ragnarok learns the life lesson that Italian movies about mutant rat monsters aren't always the amusement park ride you hope them to be.
Pathfinder (2007) - Anubis battles marauding Vikings in Ewok fashion along with American Indians, Karl Urban and a hot Korean chick.
Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's Son-in-Law (1977) - Ragnarok mixes his blaxploitation pimp film in with his soul stealing Satan flick and gets something not quite as impressive as a Reese's... Starring the pimpinest mofo in the world: Rudy Ray Moore! Dolemite, bitch!
Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994) - Nix skips the first two entrees of Don Coscarelli's now-classic horror-action series to tackle this third installment that finds "everyman hero" Reggie searching for his pals Jody and Mike and winding up in some kind of "Horror" section version of Home Alone.
Pinocchio's Revenge (1996) - We make Fistula relive one of the worst movie experiences in his life with this pseudo-intellectual spin on the already annoying Child's Play formula.
Pitch Black (2000) - Anubis finds himself surprisingly entertained by Vin Diesel's first foray into the world of he-man action movies as the outer space criminal known as Riddick (whose polished eyes let him see in the dark, mind you) tries to save some know-nothing dingleberries from a planet of hungry alien beasties.
Planet of the Apes (1968) - Anubis lets Charlton Heston surprise the hell out of him when he finds himself pleasantly surprised to watch the original "man vs. monkeys" sci-fi classic.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) - Fistula slow dances with Ed Wood and the so-called "Worst Movie of All Time" which, if you look past the paper plates and cardboard tombstones, really ain't all that bad...
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) - Anubis is disappointed that the "Worst Movie of All Time" ain't all that bad... it's actually pretty mediocre to be honest... meh. Bela Lugosi's final performance.
Project: Kill (1976) - Anubis goes on the lamb with a pre-comedy Leslie Nielsen as he's pursued by the government super soldier project he tried to escape. What will the Hong Kong mafia have to say about old men who think they know kung-fu? Who cares, that title's AMAZING!
Project Vampire (1993) - NutJob cuts her teeth (pun intended) in the Tomb with this horrendous direct-to-video bloodsucker movie about an evil drug company chemist, some guys who steal something, a guy with an eyepatch and some kind of formula that turns people into, you guessed it, vampires.
The Protector (2006) - Anubis watches Tony Jaa's follow-up to Ong Bak and wonders, "wha?!" as the world renowned martial artist jumps at elephant poachers knees first.
Protectors of Universe (1983) - Anubis takes in some swingin' '80s anime from the fine folks of South Korea in this generic giant robot space war "opera" created by nobody and starring no one.
Psychomania (1971) - Anubis returns from the dead with a gang of goofy-toothed British biker yuppies in a half-way decent attempt at creating a non-Hammer Hammer movie.
Psychos In Love (1987) - Ragnarok renews his love for bad movies and finds new hope for b-movie video gems with this long lost horror comedy about killers in love and the cannibalistic plumber who turns their world upside down!
Pulse (2001) - Anubis sees dead people (or at least their likeliness represented in squid discharge) and learns there's more to the internet than porn and bad movie review websites... but not much more, cuz the rest is just depressing and makes you want to shoot yourself in the face. Oh well, back to porn...
Pumpkinhead (1989) - Anubis and Lance Henriksen summon up the hillbilly demon known as Pumpkinhead to exact revenge on a group of no-good city folk in this classic cinematic redneck fairy tale featuring FX guy Stan Winston's debut as a director... and it shows.
Punk Rock Holocaust (2004) - Dodging Grunge is dragged through the sewage that is the Vans Warped Tour when Anubis contractually obligates him to review this ass blasting turd trolley through the land of pseudo punk music when a masked killer makes a hobby out of gutting bands on the sneaker sponsored summer tour.
Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004) - Anubis watches his bad movie hopes and dreams stuffed violently down the shit chute thanks to this Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie... starring Corey Feldman and Venessa Angel?! Damn it!
The Quiet Earth (1985) - Ragnarok takes his judgement to New Zealand in search of the letter 'Q', finding this sci-fi flick about a world where (almost) all of mankind has been wiped out and the planet's doomed to a little one-on-one time with the sun.
Race With the Devil (1975) - Anubis, Peter Fonda and the hot nurse from "M*A*S*H*" try to outrun a town of devil worshippers in the wilds of Texas!
The Rats (2003) - Ragnarok takes a field trip to New York City to see the Statue of Liberty, the CHUDs and, of course, the rampant infestations of genetically tampered with rodentia!
Ravenous (1999) - Anubis does the Time Warp back to the infantcy of the U.S. when men were men, Manifest Destiny was the only political position that mattered, and Robert Carlyle and Guy Pearce were cannibals!
Rawhead Rex (1986) - Ragnarok unleashes the Pagan piss beast for a rolicking romp through Clive Barker's "love it or hate it" monster rampage! What exactly is a "Rawhead" anyway?
Razorback (1984) - Ragnarok tackles a bloodthirsty wild pig the size of a van in the Outback with this Australian nature-gone-wild flick from Highlander director Russell Mulcahy.
Re-Animator (1985) - Nix tackles the greatest H.P. Lovecraft movie ever made... to feature a severed head having oral sex with a nubile young college girl strapped to a table. The movie that made Jeffrey Combs a hero to geeks everywhere and Barbara Crampton an eternal fantasy for the rest!
Reptilicus (1961) - Anubis learns a harsh lesson in expectations when he hopes for a fun little Danish kaiju flick and instead winds up with a busted muppet...
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2004) - Dodging Grunge risks his sanity when he matches wits with the brainless (and entirely needless) fourth installment in the cult favorite zombie series. Some teens break into a top secret research facility, some zombies break loose, you get the idea.
Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005) - Dodging Grunge challenges the limits of cinemasochism further with the fifth (and so far final) of the Return movies. Some kids use zombie juice to manufacture low grade Ecstasy, which they sell to their fellow college students, leading to the inevitable "rave to the grave".
Return of the King (1980) - Anubis watches Rankin and Bass take the reins back on the Tolkien stagecoach, finishing up about where Bakshi's Lord of the Rings ended. The circle is complete.
Revenge (1986) - Ragnarok picks up a sequel to an obscure slasher flick when the son of John Wayne clashes with John Carradine and his cult of dog god worshipping crazies! Sounds insane? You'd think so...
Rise: Blood Hunter (2007) - Khaz is welcomed into the Tomb family when he tackles a topless Lucy Liu in this low-budget attempt at creating a female rip-off of Blade that fails on all accounts... with the exception of a topless Lucy Liu.
Robin-B-Hood (2006) - Anubis watches Jackie Chan in a rare anti-hero tale as he turns from super cat burglar into Captain Babysitter Supreme in an effort to make a buttload of money.
Rodan (1956) - Anubis hops in his Way-Back Machine and visits the legendary Toho beastie in his salad days, when he not only had a loved one, but also before he was relegated to being Godzilla's bitch.
Rohtenburg (2006) - Anubis delves into the realm of perverse German lovin' when he watches the twisted true life love story of a cannibal and his dinner.
Rollerball (1975) - Anubis and Jame Caan smash their opponents in the face with their spiked gloves in this classic "fight the power" tale disguised as just another bloodsport flick.
Rolling Vengeance (1987) - Ragnarok reviews one of the greatest concepts in cinemasochist history that can be summed up simply as "Walking Tall with a monster truck"... you read that right, it's a redneck revenge movie that bypasses Beuford's favorite 2x4 in favor of a monster-sized 4x4!
Samson Vs. the Vampire Women (1962) - Anubis joins Mexican wrestling legend Santo (renamed here "Samson" for whatever reason...) as he joins his big geeky professor friend in fighting bloodsucking bitches and their beefcake bodyguards.
Santa Claus (1959) - Anubis exhumes an overlooked holiday nightmare from south of the border as Mexican Santa, Merlin the wizard and a small army of migrant children battle the forces of the devil to save Jesus' birthday!
Satan's Playground (2005) - Nix reviews yet another horrible movie about the fabled Jersey Devil, the monster so lame they named a hockey team after it. But, can the man's love for Ellen Sandweiss turns thing around for our intrepid reviewer? Let's find out...
Satan's Supper (1980) - Anubis delves into the dark side of disco (well, the darker side) as Satan tries to sink his cloven hooves into... Richard Moll's wife!
Saw (2004) - Fistula suffers one more offense from his boss when Anubis injects him with a lethal dose of douche-baggery as the nemesis of Michael Bay must match tolerances with Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, and the darling of the modern mainstream horror franchises: Jigsaw.
Saw II (2005) - Will the sequel of the surprisingly redeemable original be as good? It's rare this is ever the case, but it could happen, right? See if Nix thinks so...
Saw IV (2007) - Nix goes to the pain buffet for the fourth (but sure not to be the final...) time, as the killer known as Jigsaw continues to torment his victims from beyond the grave.
A Scanner Darkly (2006) - Nix gives one of the shortest reviews in the Tomb's history with this tidbit on the underappreciated animated mind-fuck.
School of the Holy Beast (1974) - Nix has to get his arm twisted to watch naughty Japanese nuns whipping, spanking, torturing and making out with each other. Yeah, I know, we all feel for him, right guys (and the cool girls)?
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashe (2004) - NutJob tests the limits of her little kid tolerance when she settles in for a viewing of the second live-action outing for Scooby and the gang. Yes, as if the world didn't suffer enough from the first one, those bastards went ahead and made a sequel...
Scream (1996) - Anubis witnesses Wes Craven doing something very wrong when he brings us the hideous miscarriage that would birth a whole sub-genre of lame slasher fare.
See No Evil (2006) - Anubis finds out what it's like when a professional wrestling organization decides it's ready to start releasing movies starring their ring wrasslin' employees as a big lummox with a violent streak and a penchant for eye gouging does the slasher thing.
Shadow Fury (2002) - Ragnarok watches a corporate super ninja clone of the future take on a tough guy mercenary as two white guys try to make their kung-fu look convincing... and it doesn't.
Shadow of the Vampire (2000) - Anubis enjoys this dark and slickly made tale of the fictional filming of the original bloodsucker movie, Nosferatu. Ever wonder why Max Shreck's vampire makeup was so believable? Wonder no longer...
Shaker Run (1985) - Ragnarok has Riding With Death flashbacks as he watches Leif Garrett transfer a dangerous bio-agent across the country... in his pink Trans-Am!
She-Devils on Wheels (1968) - Fistula favorite HG Lewis tries his twisted little gore whore hands at the biker chick genre with, well, mixed results...
Shocking Dark (1990) - Anubis gets into a scuffle with this Bruno Mattei stinker that tries to pass itself off as an Italian sequel to both The Terminator and Aliens in the sewers of a future Venice... hence why it will never be released in this country!
Shoot 'Em Up (2007) - Anubis watches Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti trade bullets for a couple hours as one tries to save a newborn orphan and the other tries to turn into Swiss baby cheese.
The Shunned House (2003) - Anubis heads to Italy for this surprisingly entertaining H.P. Lovecraft adaptation that smooshes together three of the author's haunted house short stories.
S.I.C.K.: Serial Insane Clown Killer (2003) - NutJob gets over a fear of clowns to exercise her hatred of one in particular in this extremely bad masked slasher flick that features the incredibly played out plot of friends staying at a cabin in the woods.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - Anubis rocks the amazing psychological cannibalism serial killer thriller that made fucking with the audience's heads and graphic violence into legitimate art again... thanks in no small part to all the Academy Awards that were heaped upon it.
Silent Hill (1006) - Anubis heads to the wreckage of the burnt out mining town known as Silent Hill to investigate a missing orphan girl and just why everything in the place goes topsy-fucking crazy when the sun goes down.
Skydivers (1963) - Brother Fistula admits his adoration for Coleman Francis (and his continued hatred for Jerry Bruckheimer) in this '60s revenge flick about skydivers that many a "Mystery Science Theater" enthusiast will no doubt recall!
Slave of the Cannibal God (1978) - Anubis hikes out to New Guinea with former "Bond girl" Ursula Andress and Cheech & Chong punchline Stacy Keach to search for Ursula's missing husband amidst the land of standard issue Italian jungle movie cannibals. We get to see Miss Andress's boobs though, so at least there's that...
Slayer (2006) - NutJob heads to South America with Casper Van Dian to fight eco-friendly vampires who are only bad because strip mining and slash and burn deforestation made them that way.
Slither (2006) - Nix isn't all that amused when he watches the goo-fest that is Michael Rooker's latest.
Slither (2006) - Anubis offers a more detailed review of the James Gunn, Michael Rooker blood and slime Night of the Creeps knock-off.
Smokin' Aces (2007) - Anubis forgets to take his anti-schizophrenia pills this morning as he goes toes-to-toes with an ensemble cast of violent killers that will give you the spins.
Snakes on a Plane (2006) - Nix tries to find out if the most hyped movie of 2006 manages to live up to even half of it. Samuel L. Jackson. Snakes. On a plane. Just read the review motherfucker...
Snakes on a Train (2006) - Anubis watches a movie whose sole purpose is to attempt picking up some of the spill-over hype from Snakes on a Plane. The quality of work is crap in comparison to the other movie, but the story and climax are more "interesting"...
Something Weird (1967) - Fistula spends some more time with old friend HG Lewis as psychic named Mitchell and his old hag sidekick/lover get wrapped up in murder, intrigue and psychotropic drugs!
The Somnambulists (2005) - Anubis gets a painful surprise of massively hemhoragging disappointment when he tries to watch this cheap-o crapper of a movie about dead people possessing us in our dreams.
Son of Godzilla (1967) - Ragnarok takes parenting tips from the Big G and learns that sometimes daddy needs to protect his kid from giant insects and weather machines.
Sore Losers (1997) - Dodging Grunge discovers an underground cinematic revolution and makes it a point to squirt it into the eyes of anyone who will listen when he meets the guerilla moviemaking might of Mr. JM McCarthy in his twisted tale of outer space G-Men and beatnik road trip murder madness!
Space Mutiny (1988) - Ragnarok test the "no one can hear you scream in space" theory, as he faces down stupidity and pain in this "MST3K" favorite about an evil guy trying to overthrow a space ship being protected by a generic body building character and his middle aged squeeze. Beware the murderous railings of doom!
Spasms (1983) - Ragnarok fights a big-ass pyrokinetic super snake alongside the star of Easy Rider and the world's greatest drunk! Sadly, crapness ensues...
Spider Baby (1968) - Anubis reviews "the Maddest Story Ever Told"... or at least the maddest story ever told about a family of weirdo cannibal children! Featuring the legendary Lon Chaney Jr. and the "enjoying a major career revitalization" Devil's Rejects star Sid Haig!
Spider-Man 3 (2007) - Anubis joins forces with Spidey to take on three different villains and one shockingly do-able Dallas Bryce Howard.
Split Second (1992) - Ragnarok hunts down Satan in a futuristic wasteland with Rutger Hauer and blazing guns at his side! "Satan is in deep shit!"
Ssssss (1973) - Ragnarok takes an acid trip through the serpentine '70s when a mad scientist works to turn his lab assistant (Dirk "Face" Benedict of the A-Team!) into a sideshow man-cobra! Featuring one of the most memorable movie titles in history...
Star Crystal (1986) - Ragnarok suffers yet another Alien clone, this one only half-assedly done, with it's crappy special effects and intensely lame acting. This one has a special religious twist at the end though that makes it all worthwhile... Oh the pain, the pain of it all!
Star Odyssey (1979) - Anubis curses the land of Italy once again, this time at the dirty, sweaty hands of one of the worst movies ever to poison his DVD collection. Prancing heroes, horny robots and lazy old men with telekinetic powers. You've been warned...
Super Ninjas (1982) - Anubis jumps in on some multi-colored pajama action when martial artists seek revenge on the five elemental ninjas, their shiny arsenal of weapons and their evil magic powers that reverse film! FIGHT!
Superstarlet A.D. (2000) - Dodging Grunge revels in the post-Apocalyptic pin-ups of John Michael McCarthy's world when atomic war leaves mankind in shambles and the women rise up to seize power, forming gangs based on hair color and unleashing sex gun violence on each other!
Suspiria (1977) - Millionaire Waltz brings us one of the greatest achievements to come out of Italy since the Speedo when she reviews horror maestro Dario Argento's classic tale of a witch coven and their world famous ballet school.
Syngenor (1990) - Ragnarok battles evil genetically altered spinal fluid hungry hydrophobic super soldier monsters with Re-Animator's David Gale in this "says it's a sequel but it's kinda not" to another movie that nobody ever saw: Scared to Death.
Tag Team (1991) - Anubis reviews this pilot for a would-be TV show that stars professional wrestlers Jesse "the Body" Ventura and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper as two exiled wrestlers who decide to join the police force with wacky results. In no way associated with the one-hit wonder hip-hop group of the same name. There is no whoomping to be had here.
Tales From the Hood (1995) - Anubis witnesses an urban spin on the standard "Tales From the Crypt" formula with this horror anthology that's a whole lot better than anyone would've expected.
A Taste of Blood (1967) - Fistula finds out what it's like when the godfather of gore, HG Lewis, attempts to make a legitimate vampire horror flick. The result? Pretty damn good actually!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) - Anubis retreats back into his childhood to review one of the better movies about grown men in rubber suits beating up guys in their pajamas.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Epic Begins (1987) - Anubis watches the first season (all 5 episodes worth) of the now classic cartoon series/commercial that helped shape his pathetic childhood.
The Terror Within (1989) - Ragnarok sits through a Roger Corman Alien knock-off set in a bombed out post-armageddon future and starring none other than George Kennedy's batch...
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A Family Portrait (1988) - Anubis plods through patchworked interview footage in this documentary-of-sorts that catches up with the original film's "family" nearly 15 years later.
They Saved Hitler's Brain (1963) - Ragnarok trudges through the boredom of one of the greatest titled b-movies in history and Hitler's severed head tries to rebuild his Third Reich from the confines of a big jar.
The Thing (1982) - Nix Eclipse lays down the love for what is possibly the greatest item on the resumes of John Carpenter, Rick Bottin and Kurt Russell when a group of South Pole researchers come face-to-faces with a shapeshifting death dealer from the stars!
The Thirsty Dead (1974) - Anubis bores his ass off with 90 minutes of Philippines based inaction when a blood drinking jungle cult kidnaps innocent women from the streets for their cultist block party committee.
Three Dev Adam (1973) - Anubis lives the kind of 90 minute hell that no fan-boy should ever have to. No, it's not Roger Corman's Fantastic Four or a double-feature of Joel Schumacher's nipple bruising Batman flicks, but something far more... confusing. Ever wanna see Captain America, Spider-Man and Santo in the same movie? You won't after this is over...
300 (2007) - Anubis joins forces with King Leonidas in the fight against the Persian army as 300 Spartan soldiers get stabby and the slaughter mounts! Based on the comic book mini-series from Frank "Sin City" Miller.
Tomb Raider (2001) - Anubis sees what will probably be one of the last few video game adaptation movies to escape the cancerous touch of Uwe Boll for some time, as Angelina Jolie puts on the tiny shorts and skin-tight tank top (and computer enhanced chesticles) of Lara Croft.
Towers Open Fire (1963) and The Cut Ups (1966) - Nix takes in a William S. Burroughs short film double feature... uhm, take that however you will.
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1977) - Fistula relives the legend of the Phantom Killer of Texas and how his unique fashion sense would go on to influence a certain infamous cinematic serial killer.
Transformers (2007) - Ragnarok officially lives up to his name and brings about the end of the world when he confesses his enjoyment of a Michael Bay movie in a public forum... Meanwhile, can the Autobots stop the Decepticons from acquiring the Allspark and making mankind the next extinct species on the planet?
Transformers: the Movie (1986) - Anubis finally sits down with a cornerstone of geek history 20 years after the fact. It's Autobots vs. Decepticons with the planetoid menace of Unicron looking on from above... as voiced by Orson Welles... yes, the Orson Welles.
The Transporter (2002) - Anubis checks out Jason Statham's first round as an action star when he takes the most generic hero name in history and starts a job a driver who will transport anything and everything... as long as it's illegal.
Transporter 2 (2005) - Anubis slaps his head enough to leave a dent in his skull when Jason Statham returns to action with more absurd stunts and non-existent cars as he battles a crack whore and her international cartel running pimp boyfriend.
The Tripper (2006) - Anubis heads into the California wilderness to check out the hippie killing action when a maniac in a Ronald Reagan mask starts chopping down people like sapplings.
Troll (1986) - Nix reviews one of the less bombastic Empire Pictures releases as an apartment house populated by the likes of Sonny Bono, Michael Moriarty, Julia-Louise Dryfus and Phil Fondacaro is taken over by a sneaky troll king who likes to run around disguised as a little girl... at least it's not Troll II, right?
Troll II (1990) - Nix suffers the hands of misery at the residents of the sleepy burg known as Nilbog... yes, yes, we all know what that spells backwards and it sure as shit isn't "troll", so why are we even bothering?! Aw, Troll II, why can't you be more like Troll!?
28 Days Later (2001) - Anubis goes on vacation in the UK and runs into the anarchy it's so well known for when the director of Trainspotting breathes new life into the "rampaging plague riots" genre.
28 Weeks Later (2007) - Anubis heads back to post-infection London for this big studio sequel that completely forgets the whole "brilliant independent movie" point of the original. Oh well, at least Robert Carlyle's in it...
The Twilight Zone: Five Characters in Search of an Exit (1961) - Fistula digs on this season 3 episode of the Rod Serling classic series that long pre-dates similarly themed stories found in Saw and Cube.
Two Thousand Maniacs (1964) - Ragnarok is our master of ceremonies for the Pleasant Valley Centennial! Uhm, any yankees in the audience might want to seek the nearest exit before things get too "involved"...
2001 Maniacs (2005) - Fistula has a surprisingly good run in with the modern day sequel to the H.G. Lewis gore festival as a gaggle of teens on their way to Florida for Spring Break find themselves detoured into a town inhabited by pissed off Southern ghosts!
The Ugly (1997) - Ragnarok travels to the beautiful land of the Kiwis for this slick psychological dissection of a convicted serial killer that makes Hannibal Lecter look tame!
Ultrachrist! (2003) - Anubis get a pleasant surprise from an opposing religious side when Christ comes back to Earth to play superhero... kinda.
Ultraviolet (2006) - Nix Eclipse suffers through yet another futuristic "Bad Grrl" action movie as Mila Jovavich would've been better off getting a Cease & Desist order placed on this puppy after the way Charlize Theron suffered following Aeon Flux.
Unbreakable (2000) - Anubis gives M. Night Shyamalan a second chance after overblowing it with The Sixth Sense and finds he's glad he did so... until The Village, which just flushed all that down the toilet a couple of years later.
The Undying Brain (1972) - Ragnarok knows that if there's one thing the world needs, it's more movies about mad science brain transplants. And if there's a second thing the world needs, it's more midget henchmen!
Urban Legend (1998) - Anubis revisits the painful neo-slasher '90s with a review of yet another Scream sequel... err, rip-off. Featuring Jared "I loved watching the shit get kicked out of him in Fight Club!" Leto and Robert "1, 2 Freddy's coming for... you get the idea" Englund.
Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000) - Anubis suffers a crappy neo-slasher sequel that thinks it's smarter than it is. Featuring more murders based on urban legends and starring the chick from "House"... and a dog blowing up in a microwave!
Vacancy (2007) - Nix checks out what happens when Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale get car trouble and stay overnight in a creepy backwoods motel where there's more to fear than what those stains on the sheets are from...
Valentine (2001) - Anubis suffers through possibly the worst of the neo-slasher shitstorms to hit in the late-90s/early 2000 period as TV's Angel stalks the bitches that spurned him in
